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Gone in a puff

As Parliament is declared a smoke-free zone, Ramona Depares fishes for the MPs’ reactions

The top men, as well as the top women, might need their smoke to keep the frayed tempers and sticky situations from going overboard in the House. But as of the beginning of this year all forms of smoking were outlawed in the House of Representatives and our members of parliament will have to make do with a restorative cup of coffee or a shot of something stronger from the bar instead.

Many MPs who would rather have their air fresh than imbued with the aroma of nicotine had long objected to the free for all situation where fellow honourables would spend the better part of a sitting puffing smoke in their faces.

Indeed the story is told of a particular PN deputy, who suffers from asthma, and who ended up spending one whole night in hospital after one particularly bad sitting where he had to suffer continuous puffs of nicotine going up his nostrils. And this MP is not the only one to suffer from the respiratory condition.

And so the lobbying and canvassing – for once completely unconnected to partisan agendas – for the creation of a Smoke-Free Policy in the House started. Nationalist non-smokers joined like-minded colleagues from the opposition side and a ‘smoke-free manifesto’ was drawn up. And to replace the house visits that normally accompany lobbying, corner meetings started being held in the Bar in between one sitting and another.

The joint effort came through and this week a circular entitled A Smoke-Free Policy For the House of Representatives came through the office fax. Off we were dispatched to the corridors of power to find out who’s celebrating, who’s yelling foul and who is accepting it gracefully as an extra motivation to quit smoking altogether. Needless to say, the people’s representatives were more than willing to spill the beans on one another’s habits – as long, of course, as we in turn did not reveal who said what and about whom. Because some them, it appears, do not relish the idea of being described as "chimneys" nor do they appreciate being told time after time that "smoking kills".

And the number of smokers in the House is not exactly low, we discovered. On the government side, Lawrence Gonzi is one MP who smokes like a chimney and won’t take offence is you tell him so. Helen D’Amato is another, but mind you don’t mention the word "chimney" in her presence or you’ll be in her bad books forever. Then there are Austin Gatt, Frederick Azzopardi and Michael Farrugia, of course, who certainly won’t be greeting the circular with joy. Luckily for Jean-Pierre Farrugia, his withdrawal symptoms definitely won’t be as strong since he’s rumoured to have quit a while ago.

As for Health Minister Louis Deguara, who ironically used to be fond of more than the occasional puff, quitting smoking was one of his New Year’s Resolutions which means that he will certainly thank whoever started the idea off. After all let’s face it, giving up on smoking is far from easy especially if you’re surrounded by dozens of colleagues puffing away. And if this New Year’s Resolution suffers the same fate as the Quit and Win scheme Dr Deguara publicly took part in… Let’s just say that its life will be sorrowfully short. We offer the minister our best wishes for success. And let’s hope for the sake of his colleagues that if his resolution does fall through, it will be cigarettes he resorts to rather than the cigars he is so found of.

But when it comes to his shadow, Michael Farrugia, no public competition or new year resolution held charm enough and he’s back to puffing merrily away, we are reliably informed.

Indeed, on the opposition side there are as many guilty puffs of smoke as there are on the government side. Or rather, there used to be before the circular did the rounds.

Joe Cuschieri and Marie Louise Coleiro were described as the most frequent culprits on the Labour side while Adrian Vassallo got voted the one "with the foulest smelling cigars". As for Jose Herrera, though he does enjoy the occasional puff, everyone agrees that he should not find it too difficult to adhere to the new policy.

But of course, there are many more in the House who will be rubbing their hands with glee at the thought that the smoke will be no more. Among these, the Nationalist party counts Mario Galea, Jason Azzopardi, Michael Axiaq, Tony Abela, Joe Borg and Dolores Cristina.

But what is perhaps even worse news for those who will have to make do without their fags, the bar too has become a non-smoking zone. And it won’t be just the Hons. who complain. Barman Tony Briffa, reputed as much for being a heavy smoker as he is for his jolly personality, certainly will not be laughing at the circular. Just whether he will actually get down to presenting that much-talked about petition to the speaker remains to be seen. And what about the speaker himself, who is reputed to enjoy a good cigar?

What is sure is that bar attendance has been heavily affected and whereas normally everyone congregates for a friendly chat over a tot and a puff, last Wednesday the bar was more than half empty. Where were the missing deputies? Puffing away in the palace courtyard, of course.