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The ministers blame the unremarkable tourist season on circumstances beyond their control. They point to the dirt, the global economy, the environment, the services and our inability to be courteous.
The question I ask, is who is to blame for all this.
Who is to be held responsible if most of our landscape is like something out of Mad Max 2, if white taxi drivers act like hysterical Hizbollah fighters, if hunters and trappers rule the countryside, if Maghtab has been allowed to spill into the sea or if customer service means being nice to the person offering the service?
I am sure that somewhere in between his very demanding public relations job at the Foundation of Medical Services, Nationalist MP Clyde Puli will find the time to perfect an argument to blame Labour for the mess in promoting Malta. Somehow he will explain that it is not the minister’s fault and that Gonzi has the vision.
It is very much like the roads epic. After years of moon-walking, Jesmond Mugliett appears on the scene and expects us to tap him on his shoulder and tell him, “prosit Jes, kemm int tajjeb.”
After 17 years in government, Francis Zammit Dimech too wants to do a ‘Jes’. Francis Zammit Dimech appears on my TV programme arguing that he did not sanction the MTA advert that inadvertently promotes Sicily and somehow hopes that tourists will still come to Malta.
I find it difficult to believe Zammit Dimech did not know, considering that Maltese ministers are such control freaks that every single thing that goes on in their ministry, from the colour of the curtains to the texture of their toilet seat must first find their blessing.
The saddest episode is when I asked Francis Zammit Dimech on strategy. The sensation is similar to asking Austin Gatt why he has converted PBS into a cartoon network. Strategy is the buzzword that is to be inscribed everywhere from the gates of Malta Enterprise to the bolted doors of Dar Malta. I could have gone for a walk and never returned. And Zammit Dimech would have failed to come up with a compelling answer to my question.
On TV Evarist Bartolo, the man from the opposition benches, was having a whale of a time. But he too could not quite come up with a blueprint for tourism. The Labour party has become a viable alternative because the PN has extended its best before date.
The reality is that our tourism strategy has been in a conundrum for years, from the first days when we converted Bugibba into a ghetto and when we debated golf courses but never got down to deciding about them.
Another Maltese advert created by the ministry but not seen by the minister reminded commuters in a London underground that Napoleon had paid a visit to Malta.
That first class imbecile who cooked up Napoleon Bonaparte to promote Malta in the UK underground should be handcuffed, gagged and dumped unceremoniously with a T-shirt with ‘I love Bonaparte’ all over it right outside the Millwall FC supporters club.
Perhaps then he will appreciate what the Brits think of the French.
Coughing up a strategy is no easy task, but please do not pay yet another foreign consultant for another silly suggestion.
Which brings me to another subject, the gathering of demagogues, so-called democrats and dictators at the Commonwealth conference to be held in Malta.
Now, I am sure the Minister of Foreign affairs and the PM’s office responsible for co-ordinating the event will be very angry with this commentary. But they are angry with MaltaToday all the time: just take their resentment at the way this newspaper covered and investigated Libya’s unilateral decision to extend its fishing zone.
In reality this Commonwealth is a grandiose way for making up for all the nasty years of colonial rule. Do not just look at Malta, which was a small outpost – just look at the absolute disgraceful mess the British left behind in south east Asia and Africa. And do please refer to some passionate historical account of British colonial rule.
Needless to say that does not mean we should not love the Brits. I do. They have great humour, thrilling history, exceptional theatre, eclectic music and a fabulous language.
Nevertheless the present composition of political leaders from the former British colonies is a tribute to the legacy of self-determination over innumerable decades. The silly thing is that the government or rather the Prime Minister believes that this conference will serve to attract more attention to Malta.
Hence the Lm1.5 million budget from our taxes for this conference. All this hype about the Commonwealth is a big joke. This club of loose states, many of which hardly practise democracy, will be visiting Malta this year.
Let me just give a breakdown of some of the dictators in the Commonwealth – Paul Biya of Cameroon, Maumoon Abdul Gayoon of the Maldives, Pervez Musharraf from Pakistan, Mswati III from Swaziland and Faure Gnasybe Eyadema from Togo.
I hardly ever cover press conferences, but how I am going to love quizzing some of these dictators. The Maltese government is obviously intent of giving the impression that whole world will be watching the gathering of the Commonwealth in Malta.
Bollocks! The global and relevant media, in the US, France, Germany, Italy, Spain, Greece and Sweden will not give a toss about the Commonwealth. To them it is British and old Britain. Surely Blair will appear at the conference and talk of aiding the Third World and erasing debt, but he is only thinking of his career after his Hollywood premiership.
Even the lager louts who come to Malta and keep our tourism alive will be watching UK Living and not BBC World and reading The Sun not the Telegraph. To them the Commonwealth is like Shakespeare. And Shakespeare to them is as exciting as watching the Taliban playing football.
Indeed most of the Maltese taxpayers’ money will be going straight to cover hotel expenses and yet another of those so-called ‘cultural’ galas. This is one politically-correct way of taking from Cikku and giving it to the ever-present Luigi.
So, when you watch all the hype on TV about the Commonwealth, please put the Commonwealth into its real context. And just think of it as some kind of feel good therapy for post-colonial socialist Britain, guilty for having screwed up so many nations over the last two centuries.
If you are looking for success stories in the Commonwealth zoom in on Malawi, Bangladesh, Guyana, Sierra Leone and Belize, perhaps the best representation of abject poverty on the planet.
Well, sorry to have poured cold water on such an event, but this is a newspaper not a government gazette – this is a Sunday read not the classified section.
Now, you may have noticed that I am not a euro-parliamentarian devotee. My fetish for the great five MEPs evaporates when I recall their sanctimonious statements for or against the EU before it all came tumbling down.
The worst reprobates are the Sharon Ellul Bonicis of this world, the Simon Busuttils, David Casas and Joseph Muscats.
Sharon was the embodiment of the No campaign but now she lives and thrives on the EU. Indeed she was the Queen of vitriol and the EU-hater and yet she was one of the first to jump on the Brussels gravy train. Now she would not be too happy if her salary dependent on the EU and our taxes was taken away from her.
Simon and David are different species of creatures – both of these two gentlemen gave the impression that what they were doing before EU accession had nothing to do with their careers. Well, we were all fooled.
And Joseph… well, Joseph in poodle fashion was always very careful not to appear to be too against or too in favour.
But the love of this column is Casa and what we all thought he stood for and now apparently does not. His publicised politics is diametrically opposed to his own style of life.
I have these sudden movements in my bowels that can only be addressed if I put pen to paper. The last time I politely suggested that Mr Casa should be more careful on how he votes or pronounces himself on heterosexual and homosexual matters, I was wrapped on my knuckles by Dr Gonzi and told: “gharukaza (shameful).” Like an elder scolding a small boy.
In fact what is hundred and one per cent utterly insipid is Mr Casa’s voting pattern which shoots down initiatives in the European Parliament which goes against the trends I would have expected him to champion. This is not a calamity, it simply reconfirms that if you are looking for consistency, best not to look for it with politicians.
I walked along the Victoria lines. Oskar, a dog with a Maltese character and a proud kelb tal-fenek, jumped up and down sniffing at the corbelled hide. Either a rat, a snake or a hedgehog.
This was last Sunday and from a distance, a hunter with a paunch appeared and dressed to kill walked in our direction. “Hawn Zepp, ohrogli minn hwejgi.”
Shotgun in hand he shouted at me to get out of his land. He approached and I asked if he knew that he was breaking the law on two counts, the first that it was the close season and secondly because it was a Sunday afternoon.
I also inquired why it was his land and if he had any papers. He froze and turned round.
It could have been worse. Usually if hunters are in twos or threes they do not take free commentary with a smile.
Those readers who happen to know the Maltese and Gozitan countryside and welcome it as a viable option to the stagnant and frigid gym will appreciate what I am talking about. If you are a silly tourist that has chosen to come to Malta because of seeing Napoleon in the underground and wish to walk in the countryside, well beware. The hunters are the monarchs of the land, and like the kings and queens of yesteryear and the dictators in Banana land, hunters are unelected and have made our land their fiefdoms.
They kill the wildlife, they build their hides as MEPA looks on and worst of all they take public and private land and make it theirs. We have no rights and no one is listening! We have the right to demand that we walk without being abused, screamed at or shot at.
So watch out in this newspaper for more ideas of how to get Government Minister George Pullicino to spend more time on the real things.
Three hundred and eleven years ago, a French philosopher said, “I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend, to the death, your right to say it.”
Last week l-Orizzont editor Frans Ghirxi chose to stop Anna Mallia from writing in his newspaper. His argument was based on the premise that she had personal ambitions and was attacking the MLP leadership.
Now, which political animal does not have personal ambitions. Well good old Voltaire would find
l-Orizzont a little bit too conservative for his tastes.
saviourbalzan@newsworksltd.com
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