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Does it make sense these days to advocate sexual abstinence before marriage?
Abstinence is worth it and it’s possible. It is not promoting abstinence not to get an STI or get pregnant. Sex education should include the whole ABCD adopted by the WHO.
 It is promoting abstinence or rather the right timing for a more beautiful and meaningful life. Waiting makes sense only when one understands the truth about one’s body and about sex.
The value and the beauty of the body come in question. When somebody touches me, s/he are not simply touching a part of my body, but myself as a whole. Body, heart, mind and soul are all integrated, so a physical act is not just that, but something that incorporates the whole person. This implies that the act does not leave me inert but I become totally involved.
Sex is worth waiting for because it gives me an honest chance to develop more depth in relationship and space to talk about sex, which can help build trust and respect between my partner and I. Waiting is a way to postpone taking the physical, emotional and spiritual risks that may come with sexual relationships until a time more appropriate to handle them.
Sex can also mean, “I give myself totally to you, all that I am without reservation. Sincerely. Freely. Forever. And I receive the gift of yourself that you give to me. I affirm you. All that you are, without reservation. Forever.”
The second is our vision, the sexual act as giving myself to someone, I am telling him/her, as the case may be that my life is his, and this can only happen in marriage. Sex is in fact the wedding vows made flesh. Thus the right timing for sex is in marriage. The further away sex is from marriage, the less meaningful it becomes.
If we really care about our young generation we should then care for having healthy, integrated young people, not only physically but also emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Are we as educators especially parents and we young people who have waited confident enough to offer this option to kids and to our peers? Be the option of the majority or the minority we should not hesitate to offer a challenge worth investing in. After all sex is not a need but a drive which can be channeled.
In this day and age where much of the media, money-minded investors among others exert pressures on youngsters to have an adventurous sex life waiting is a challenge. However sex is worth waiting for because you are worth waiting for. It’s never too late to start again.
Suzanne Vella is projects coordinator for the Kummisjoni Djocezana Zghazagh, www.kdz.org.mt
The question is “does it make sense to advocate abstinence?” The answer depends on why exactly it is being advocated! If it is simply to remind people that abstinence from sex is a way of life that is a possible and acceptable alternative, then yes why not? We all don’t have to have sex as soon as we physically can and then without any thought for our responsibilities and obligations! This will almost invariably lead to problems, some potentially very serious.
 On the other hand if one thinks or hopes that by advocating abstinence as the only way of reducing sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and unwanted (specially) teenage pregnancies, then unfortunately the message will not work.
We know from research and bitter experience in other countries that the abstinence message ‘by itself’ not only doesn’t work but is actually counter-productive. People who only get this message are more likely to have earlier sex, and worse, when they do they are much less likely to use protection.
Abstinence does have an important role to play in the prevention of STIs but only if it is part of the whole ABCD package recommended by the World Health Organisation: Abstain, Be faithful (to your partner), Condomise and Don’t do drugs. These options are not exclusive of each other. It is a good idea to abstain from sex especially at a young age, as there is a much higher risk of acquiring disease and its complications for a variety of reasons. And yes, young people should not start sex simply to ape their peers or because of the glamorous lifestyle portrayed by the media.
But there will come a time when many young people will decide to have sex. When they do so it is our (health and education authorities, Church and most of all parents) duty to ensure that they do so as safely as possible, so as not to harm themselves or others.
One needs to question some aspects of the “Abstinence Movement” at least in the United States. Whilst it is true that some are opting to remain virgins till marriage many of them use oral sex since this is not considered to be true sex! Apart from the serious diseases which can still be transmitted, one must perhaps redefine virginity for these young people! Not all that glitters...
Finally abstaining from sex until marriage totally ignores the needs of the many separated and divorced couples who start new relationships as well as gay couples who cannot get married. Are these people all supposed to abstain from sex for ever? Hardly realistic or practical.
Dr Philip Carabot is genitourinary consultant at Boffa Hospital’s GU clinic
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