Leave grieving relatives alone

It has become something of a race against the clock for news organisations to be the first to get that all-important first interview with relatives of someone who has died in a tragic accident

I find it appalling that we are turning horrific tragedies into television by broadcasting these types of interviews
I find it appalling that we are turning horrific tragedies into television by broadcasting these types of interviews

It has become something of a race against the clock for news organisations to be the first to get that all-important first interview with relatives of someone who has died in a tragic accident.

As the scramble for website traffic gets more aggressive, news portals are doing their utmost to come out with their latest scoop by clinching these types of interviews where they zoom in on strained, devastated faces still under shock and tight close-ups of eyes welling up with tears. Members of the family are asked downright inane questions, such as “how are you feeling?” without any attempt at sensitivity or tact by often rookie journalists who sit there with their microphones in the faces of people who are still numb from the tragedy which has changed their lives forever.

As a matter of principle I refuse to share such stories or click on the video footage. Doing so would make me feel that I am complicit in invading their privacy, as the media turns ordinary people into public figures simply by lieu of the fact that sudden death has turned their lives into another news story.

I find it appalling that we are turning horrific tragedies into television by broadcasting these types of interviews, just as I find the coverage of funerals of people who are not in the public eye to be in bad taste. What should be private, intimate moments of mourning have been turned into a circus. It is all starting to smack too much like reality TV when, in fact, newsrooms should hold back and be more restrained and respectful, rather than jumping on the chance to up their news bulletin ratings (or website hits) by pandering to the lowest possible form of human nature: the love of gossip and ghoulish voyeurism. 

By pure coincidence this week I started watching a TV drama series called Unreal, which is set behind-the-scenes of what goes on in the production of reality shows. Taking its cue from actual shows which are aired in the US such as The Bachelor, the fictitious show called Everlasting pits tens of young women against each other in order for one of them (“the lucky girl”) to be chosen by a handsome eligible man known as The Suitor.

Let’s set aside the ghastly sexism of the concept which has probably taken women back a hundred years. And let’s forget for a minute that shows such as this have actually found an audience, when one would think that women would be objecting to the show in their millions. I guess being cast in the role of Cinderella and saved by Prince Charming is a fantasy which is still very much alive in many women’s heads. However, that’s a completely different issue which would require a whole other article.

What is intriguing and deeply disturbing about this drama is that it is probably very much based on fact. It is the reality behind the reality so to speak. It is always quite obvious that the footage which is shown on reality shows is a result of producers manipulating the situation, setting people up to fall apart and to cry in front of the camera because there is no way that a production company is going to film endless reams of footage waiting for something to happen naturally. That would take too long and time is money. So, as shown in Unreal, the producers push and prod the girls, playing on their weaknesses and exploiting anything in their background which will get them to snap. 

Of course, British author Ben Elton has also explored this theme several times in his satirical novels such as Chart Throb (a send up of the X Factor talent show) and Dead Famous (which satirized Big Brother). 

What all these shows have in common is that they are taking ordinary people and putting them into unnatural, surreal situations, where their reactions are filmed for all to see. The thing is that news reports seem to be imitating this reality TV format because rather than giving people a chance to grieve normally, relatives suddenly find a TV crew in their living room, a bright light in their face and someone is busy filming their grief.

There are those who say that it is the “fault” of the family for accepting to be interviewed, but I beg to differ. In that state of mind, someone might agree to an interview because they want to talk about what happened, but in cases where barely 24 hours have passed since the tragedy, one is too raw and vulnerable to be fully aware of the implications of one’s decision to go in front of a camera. I feel it is too soon, and that they are being taken advantage of. Would it really be so difficult for newsrooms to take a step back and give relatives some time before approaching them (if at all)?

This brings me to the other aspect of terrible tragedies in the era of social media. Whether it is the murder of a young woman at the hands of her husband, the death of a motorcyclist, a young father run over while out walking, the disappearance of a young surfer in rough seas or the unspeakable horror of yet another terrorist attack after a lorry ploughed through a crowd of families enjoying a national holiday, everyone seems a bit too eager to rush to their keyboards and pound out an opinion, a theory or a conclusion about “what must have happened.” Judgmental statements, moralising and finger pointing are the order of the day, and I wonder if people realise that this is not a TV show for their entertainment as they try to figure out “whodunnit” while they switch into their best CSI mode. 

This is real life, these are real people and their families are out there hurting for real, so any trite, thoughtless comment will only serve to twist the knife into their sharp pain a bit harder, and cause the ache in their hearts to become even more heavy. There are days when I just cannot read any more hurtful comments and I deliberately stay away from online commentary to shut out the cacophony of white noise; of people stating things with absolute certainty as if they have all the answers about a case. 

None of us has the answers. A sudden, tragic death is probably the worst thing which can befall anyone. Would it be so hard to stay silent out of sheer respect for the loved ones who have to pick up the pieces of their lives again? Let us allow mourners to mourn in private. Let us stop turning tragedy into fodder for television and gossip.