Meet the Queen’s men about to grace Malta’s shores

Swaziland – A king among paupers

King Mswati III has ruled over the southern African country of Swaziland since he was 18 years old. Now 47, he has 15 wives – each of whom he impregnated before wedding, so as to prove their fertility. 

Despite ruling over a country in which 60% of the population live on less than $1 a day, the ‘Playboy King’ lives an opulent lifestyle, and allocated over $61 million in public funds on his own household budget last year.  

In an attempt to fight the spread of AIDS, Mswati imposed a five-year chastity rite on all Swazi unmarried women between 2001 and 2005. However, only two months into the ban, the king himself violated the decree after marrying his 13th wife. As per Swazi custom, Mswati apologized for this violation by donating a cow to the girl’s village. 

Sri Lanka – ‘Welfare’ camps of torture 

The CHOGM is only being held in Malta in the first place because Mauritius had withdrawn as host in protest against the Sri Lankan government’s human rights atrocities against the ethnic Tamil population.  

Six years after the end of a bitter civil war for Tamil independence, many political prisoners remain detained in camps that the government describes as ‘welfare villages’. However, such ‘welfare’ includes beatings with cement-filled pipes and pistol butts, repeated anal rape and waterboarding, and suffocation with the fumes of burning petrol or chillies.  

President Maithripala Sirisena swept to power earlier this year on a pledge to lift government repression, but the torture has continued on his watch. While the government has released some prisoners, reports have surfaced that these will be forced to undergo a “rehabilitation” brainwashing programme for ex-combatants. 

Nigeria – A ‘converted’ sadist 

A Nobel-winning Nigerian poet has described his country’s re-elected president, Muhammadu Buhari as a “sadist who glorifies in the humiliation of people”. Overthrowing a democratically-elected government in a 1984 coup, Buhari waged a notorious “war against indiscipline”, in which journalists were jailed for writing articles that criticised the government, and police used whips to control traffic and bus stop queues. Tardy civil servants were publicly humiliated by being forced to perform frog jumps, and students caught cheating in their exams were thrown into prison for 21 years. 

His reign only lasted 20 months, after which he himself was overthrown in another coup, but he was re-elected this year on a pledge to clamp down on the Boko Haram terror group. He now describes himself as a “converted democrat”.   

Uganda – No gays allowed 

President of Uganda since 1986, Yoweri Musuveni has been harshly criticised for his clampdown on LGBT+ people, whom he has described as “disgusting”. 

Last year, he introduced a draconian law that punishes homosexual behaviour with life imprisonment and criminalises LGBT+ activism with a maximum seven years in jail. Businesses found guilty of “promoting” homosexuality also risk losing their operating licences. The US has since cut aid to Uganda, but Musuveni remains unmoved and has bizarrely accused the West of introducing homosexuality into his country.

“If the West doesn’t want to work with us because of homosexuals, then we have enough space here to live by ourselves and do business with other people,” he told CNN in a recent interview. “There’s an attempt at social imperialism – to impose values of one group on our society.” 

Papua New Guinea – An ironic tale of corruption 

Upon his election as Papua New Guinea’s Prime Minister in 2011, Peter O’Neill set up an anti-corruption watchdog, ‘Task Force Sweep’, to investigate allegations that the previous PM and his family had misappropriated public funds. However, in an ironic turn of events, the task force ended up accusing O’Neill himself of siphoning $31 million of public funds to a law firm, and police issued a warrant for his arrest. The Prime Minister unashamedly responded by dismantling the anti-corruption watchdog, and by firing the head of police operations for disobeying government orders. 

Cameroon – Ruling with an iron first… from far away 

In power since 1982, Paul Biya is the world’s longest ruling non-royal leader, consistently winning landslide elections of dubious legitimacy. He rules the west African country with an iron fist – using the police to suppress opposition parties, jailing journalists and writers who dare criticise his regime, and maintaining considerable control over the judiciary.

Critics refer to him as the “absentee landlord” for his lengthy vacations, sometimes for months at a stretch. In one of his more famous holidays, he splashed out $40,000 a day on 43 rooms in a French hotel. 

“Isn’t he free to make good use of his money?” his communications minister said when faced with criticism. “Does he have to give the account of the way that he’s using this money?”

Brunei – Sharia law’s newest fan 

Sultan Hassanai Bolkiah has ruled over the tiny oil-rich country of Brunei since 1967, succeeding his father. One of the world’s wealthiest men, the Sultan made headlines last year when he announced that he would phase in sharia law, that calls for homosexuals and adulterers to be stoned to death. 

Theft is now punishable by flogging and the severing of limbs, and failure to attend Friday prayers is punishable by fines or imprisonment. 

“Theory states that Allah’s law is cruel and unfair but Allah himself has said that his law is indeed fair,” the Sultan said in response to criticism.