The devils I did not see

E’s and A’s eyes shone bright as they walked down the aisle towards the podium where a civil servant waited to officiate the wedding ceremony.

A couple of weeks ago my wife and I were invited for the first lesbian wedding since Malta’s parliament approved the marriage equality law five years ago.

In the beautiful surroundings of the wedding venue where E & A joined hands and exchanged vows, I could not see devils dancing in the background or lightning bolts strike the ground. On the contrary, here were two brides madly in love with each other, willing to strengthen their mutual commitment by getting married.

On 12 July 2017, just three years after introducing civil unions that gave gay couples the same rights as marriage, Malta took the significant step of going for full marriage equality.

It was a historic milestone achieved in record time that fully recognised the right of gay men and women to have their love and commitment towards each other recognised by the State.

Today, five years down the line, that legislative act pushed by the Labour Party and which garnered almost unanimous support in parliament, seems so far away. Many gay couples like E & A have since got married in front of family and friends.

The fearmongering that accompanied the introduction of civil unions first and then marriage equality was always incomprehensible to me. Gay marriage ceremonies were branded as the work of the devil by some – a dark cloud that would befall Malta.

I recall as a journalist with the Times of Malta being assigned to cover the passage of the civil unions law in 2014 and from the stage assembled in St George’s Square, where short speeches were delivered, I could only notice happy faces in the crowd.

A former work colleague, whom I knew to be a reserved person, was in that crowd and when our eyes met at a distance, I could notice her smile and gleaming eyes as if a big weight had been lifted off her shoulder. The State would now recognise her union with her long-time partner and give them joint custody over their three children.

On anniversaries like these it is easy to remember the beautiful parts of history – the successes, the joys and the celebrations. But it is also on occasions like these that we have a duty to remember from where this country left and how much more needs to be done to ensure that people, irrespective of gender, race or religious belief, are able to live fulfilling lives.

The smiles often hide the arduous journey people like E & A have gone through to reach the point of marriage. The judging behaviour of relatives and friends, who fail to see the persons in front of them, is still a reality many gay people have to contend with.

There is still a process of education that needs to take place. We need to move beyond tolerance and aim for acceptance.

Children need to be taught about the diversity that surrounds them. It helps them accept others and themselves, easing the coming out process for those who fall outside the ordinary notions of straight men and women.

When a child-rated Netflix series portrays a fleeting moment of intimacy – a suggested kiss – between two women, many, even the well-meaning, still flinch. A similar kiss between a man and a woman would not be met by the same discomfort. This may be a trivial example but it is in moments like these when our boundaries of acceptance are tested.

Changing laws is an important step without which the process of societal change cannot move forward. But it is now time to go beyond the legislative sphere and ensure that couples like E & A can have fulfilling lives without having to worry how the headmaster of their future child’s school will react, or how the attendant at the local grocery shop will behave.

Malta has come a long way and this must be celebrated. E & A and the hundreds of other gay couples who have married over the past five years have shown us that love conquers prejudice and hatred.

But in achieving fulfilment none of these couples should be made to feel they are fighting a battle. The next step beckons.