Election Playbook: No country for old rocks

No country for old rocks: Gozo grabbed headlines on Thursday as it was the target of new Labour proposals, and the latest victim of its development policies. Among other proposals, the governing party promised a larger Gozo Channel fleet and an interconnector between Malta and Gozo. Hours later, the Planning Authority approved a 22-flat block in the Ġgantija Temples buffer zone, and appeals against the dismantling of British Barracks in Fort Chambray were rejected. The former prompted condemnation by the likes of Momentum and NGO representative Romano Cassar, who clearly failed to see the bigger picture. If only these people open their ears when Labour tells us that our quality of life depends on a good economy, then they wouldn’t be bickering over piles of Gozitan rocks. How can we be a successful country if we ban development in and around historic sites? Do these dreamers think we can grow an economy by staring at 5,000-year old temples? Grow up. We need quality investments like penthouses on Ta’ Pinu, a hotel in the Hypogeum, and a fuel station on Filfla. Only then can we revel in Labour’s freebies, happy as pigs in shit.

The power of purrsuation: In lighter news, a friendly cat stole the show before the start of a press conference. It was one of those rare events where the creature on the end of a journalist’s microphone wasn’t sticking to a script or trying too hard to sound relatable. Maybe members of our political class can rip a page out of this cat’s book during this campaign. You don’t have to take a camera crew with you every time you step outside your door or be seen drinking tea from a glass to show that you’re just like everyone else. You don’t need flashy videos and baby-kissing photos. Just be authentic, speak your mind (even if you just meow), and don’t try too hard.

Pinfluencers: I must say I underestimated the political fatigue associated with election season in Malta. But being bombarded with billboards, ads, and partisan rivalry can make you forget that we live in a new age of politics, one that gave us politicians-turned influencers; pinfluencers if you will. Despite the irritation, election season gives people a chance to cringe and laugh at those willing to post anything for a few likes on Facebook. As a treat, I would like to share with you a few of my personal favourite pinfluencers who graced my Facebook feed in the last few hours. I present to you gems such as Silvio Schembri pulling up in his car exactly like Steve Carell’s Michael Scott right before declaring, “It’s Britney bitch.”

Omar Farrugia heading into Tigulio while telling the camera, “The things we did here when we were younger.” Please elaborate, Omar.

But my personal favourite is the now-deleted video of Charles Azzopardi being interrupted while filming, giving us this facial expression. This is the face that perfectly captures the feeling when realising that we have one more month of cringe-worthy pinfluencer content.

PN MP Charles Azzopardi's expression when someone blocked him while filming perfectly encapsulates the feeling of being constantly bombarded by billboards and cringeworthy politicians

Momentum Sausage Party: Meanwhile, Momentum released its list of seven candidates set to contest all 13 districts in the general election. But this team of candidates hoping to defy the odds and elect a third party looks less like an underdog film like Sylvester Stallone’s Rocky, and more like Seth Rogen’s Sausage Party. Indeed, all of Momentum’s candidates are men. I understand if a life in politics seems daunting (I certainly wouldn’t want to do it), but having an all-male candidate team simply seems out of character for a progressive party hoping to break political norms. 

Election Talk with Karl Azzopardi: On Thursday's episode of MaltaToday's Election Talk, Karl Azzopardi welcomes his first special guest, former PN MP Herman Schiavone to discuss the major parties' campaigns so far.