Election Playbook: And the first BS Award goes to...

A guide to answering phone calls: Election season is a time when politicians’ teams of helpers embark on the tedious process of calling each and every voter in their district to touch base. Just this morning, one person in our office was called three times by different ministers in her district asking if she needs transport on election day. I myself sometimes get caught off guard by such calls and hang up regretting a wasted chance to take the callers for a ride. So we’ll be coming up with a guide on what to tell such callers when they ask how they can help you.

Q: “Hello, I’m calling from ___’s office. Is there anything you need?” A: “Yes, I am currently struggling with the crushing weight of endless errands, long hours at work, an eternity in traffic, and the feeling of living in a constant construction site. I don’t expect ___ to solve any of these problems through policy, but would he/she be a doll and do my shopping or pick up the kids from school?”

Q: “Hello, sir/madam, I’m calling from ___’s office. Do you need transportation to vote in the next election?” A: “Yes, I would like a horse-drawn carriage with a champagne bottle to pick me up from my home please.”

Feel free to send any encounters you’ve had with such callers on our Facebook page. You don’t have to struggle alone.

Not the hero we deserve, but the hero we need: Election candidates usually range from bores that might have been mass produced in a politician cloning factory, lunatics that shouldn’t even be trusted to run a bigilla van, and moderate, everyday people who aspire to bring change. Then there are the dark horses. Those that come out of nowhere and show that they are the people with ideas that are crucially needed. I’m talking of course about Glen Galea. Don’t know him? Neither did I yesterday, but the mystical Facebook algorithm has brought him and his ideas to my attention, and I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t share them with you. Glen goes by the name Onaka Ippai on Facebook, which is where he announced his first proposal of installing fairy lights on all tower cranes. I try to be unbiased when writing this playbook, but once you see Galea’s other promises, you’ll understand why I find it hard to do so today. Here are some of my favourites: Free anti-anxiety medication for all drivers. A free robot that can do chores for everyone. This last proposal however, takes the cake. Glen promises to build a second storey over all of Malta, effectively doubling the surface area of the island. “More open spaces for everyone and more shade in the summer,” he said. Keep them coming, Glen.

(Photo: Onaka Ippai/Facebook)

(Photo: Onaka Ippai/Facebook)

(Photo: Onaka Ippai/Facebook)

(Photo: Onaka Ippai/Facebook)

(Photo: Onaka Ippai/Facebook)

Kool and The Gang: Speaking of unconventional political marketing, the ADPD have released a short promotional video with a play on words featuring their slogan, “Ilkoll.” I must it admit it does grab attention, but it looks less like content for a political campaign and more like it should be played on screens at the Liquid Club. The video features an animation of someone dancing while the sentence “Il-Kool jivvota ADPD” (Cool people vote for ADPD) flashes across the face. I genuinely cannot comprehend the ADPD’s electoral strategy so far. Why is this party still depending on Carmel Cacopardo to explain what its slogan means? Why is it that in 2026, the party still appears to have received no media training? Of course, substance matters more than appearance, but you have to at least look like a political party to get your message across. If the party gives up on improving its look, I recommend releasing more videos like these. At least it can divert attention from the ADPD’s confusing optics.