Election Playbook: A metro nightmare, shady campaign consultants, and politicians' bloopers

Metro snoozing: It is becoming clearer each day that Malta’s metro dream is similar to the dream every Maltese Eurovision fan has year after year. Personally, I have more faith in Malta beating the odds and winning the Eurovision Song Contest than I do in ever seeing a mass transport system on the island. On Wednesday, Prime Minister Robert Abela refused to say whether the infamous mass transport system will be featured in the PL’s electoral manifesto. Instead, he promised more studies on the project on top of the endless studies already commissioned in the past four years. While this wasn’t surprising, the level of dishonesty surrounding the project is truly shameful. The Labour Party is acting like a partner who promises to change each time they are caught lying. But look on the bright side. In the next legislature, after the millionth study, I am sure we’ll be the most knowledgable country in the world when it comes to mass transport. Think about that next time you’re stuck in traffic.

Shady consultants: According to the Prime Minister, Malta’s biggest fuel contrabandist has helped the Nationalist Party in coming up with its proposal for an offshore fuel hub. The PN denied this soon after MaltaToday published the story. While we cannot confirm or deny Abela’s claim, this newspaper can exclusively confirm that a number of other shady individuals are behind the bulk of the PN’s proposals. We have credible information that the PN’s proposal to build new hospitals and expand existing ones came from a newly formed company called Crucials, which has links to the former Vital Global Healthcare. The PN’s plan to invest €60 million in solar energy came after consultation with the sun god Apollo. We can reveal that Alex Borg’s promise to introduce free physical screenings came from his gym buddies. And finally, we are also informed that his promise to give youths a grant for smartwatches comes from none other than the robot version of clock enthusiast and former PN minister Tonio Fenech. (A kind reminder that the Election Playbook is a satirical piece)

Release more blooper reels!: Miriam Dalli lived out one of my worst fears after she accidentally released the wrong video of herself criticising the PN’s energy proposals. Unfortunately for her, it seems someone chronically online managed to record the video in the split second that it was up. Of course there are more damning things ministers can accidentally publish online like their ChatGPT history or their 2023 and 2024 asset declarations. But Dalli’s gaffe reminds us that behind politicians’ perfectly choreographed performances are normal people who are just trying to stick to the script. I think we need more of this. That’s why I will proudly vote for any party that releases their candidates’ blooper reels. It might even serve as light content for silent day.