It’s official, folks! Roberta Metsola has finally made up her mind

For the past few years, speculation has been rife as to whether European Parliament President Roberta Metsola intends to ever take a break from all her international photo-opportu... I mean, ‘commitments’...  for long enough to actually challenge Bernard Grech for the PN leadership (like around 90% of Nationalists are hoping, and praying, even as we speak.)

Public opinion seems to be divided on this point, however. A recent Not-News survey revealed that while around 54% of the population believe that Metsola DOES harbour PN leadership ambitions... the remaining 46% think she should really just remain where she is, for now: and work on the EU’s next ‘enlargement’ project, by 2030. (For let’s face it, folks: European territory is going to have to expand quite a lot – and quite quickly, too! – in order to accommodate Roberta Metsola’s humungous, rapidly-inflating, EGO...)

Today, however, Not-News is in a position to confirm that the rumours you’ve all been hearing, are indeed true. A closer analysis of her speech at last Wednesday’s Independence Day festivities, leaves us in no doubt whatsoever that Roberta Metsola’s has finally made up her mind.

She’s going for Bernard’s job, all right! And here are five moments from her speech, which prove it beyond any reasonable doubt:

What she said: “What a great honour to be here with you. In my country. The country that I love. The country we all love...”

What she meant: “I love Malta! We all love Malta! But let’s face it, folks: we only really ‘love’ this country, when it is ruled by our own, glorious, and utterly incorruptible Nationalist Party: something we all know has been rendered more or less completely impossible, for the foreseeable future... thanks to the antics of that incompetent buffoon, sitting behind me over there (pointing at you, Bernard!)

“This is, in fact, why I even took time out of my busy schedule, as European Parliament President, to come rushing back here to try and clean up the mess that he, and others, left behind. (And to think that I had to cancel a photoshoot with Ellen von Unworth, for the cover of ‘Vanity Fair’ magazine! But oh, well: such are the sacrifices that REAL leaders have to make, at the end of the day...)”

What she said: “We believe that our country can be run seriously. Yes, with wisdom and determination, we can get there. With hope and courage, we can get there.”

What she meant: “Given that we are very clearly ‘not there yet’ – and only seem to be getting further from our destination, for as long as Benard Grech remains at the PN’s helm – it is obvious that Bernard himself lacks the ‘wisdom, determination, hope and courage’ that are required to lead our once-glorious PN back to its old, winning ways. That’s why this party need someone who DOES actually possess those qualities, as leader (someone like, um... ME, for instance!)

What she said: “These last years were not always easy. But I did my duty [...] With the full support of my colleagues in the parliamentary group, and the Party Leader: David Casa and I are accomplishing a lot, in your name, in the European Parliament.”

What she meant: “Unlike a certain current PN leader I can think of – who has done nothing but sit back on his lazy arse, for two whole years – David Casa and I have been tirelessly working our butts off, day and night, to accomplish all the things that Bernard Grech should really be accomplishing, ‘in your name’... but very clearly isn’t.

“That is why, incidentally, I feel that this is an opportune moment to remind you all that – while I myself am clearly the most qualified and competent candidate, to take over from Bernard next year – David Casa would make an excellent Deputy PN Leader, under my command. (Just saying, that’s all...)”

What she said: ‘Nostalgia has no place in politics!’

What she meant: “In the speech he is about to give after mine, Bernard Grech will express pride in the Nationalist Party’s ‘rich history’: including ‘George Borg Olivier, Eddie Fenech Adami, Lawrence Gonzi, Simon Busuttil, and Adrian Delia... all of whom served as sources of inspiration for him.’

“See? Unlike myself, Bernard Grech is always looking backwards... never forwards. And THAT, folks, is why – like I’ve been saying all along – ‘he has no place in politics’...”

What she said: ‘We will not give up! The responsibility of paving a better future for this country, rests on our shoulders!’

What else meant: ‘Malta needs a better future; the PN needs a better future; but none of that can ever be achieved, until we finally take the bull by the horns, and oust Bernard Grech from the party leadership, once and for all (like we did with Adrian Delia two years ago, remember?)

“This means we all have a responsibility, as Nationalists, to undermine Bernard Grech’s leadership, at all times; to force a new leadership election race, at the earliest opportunity... and above all, to NEVER GIVE UP until the Nationalist Party is once again led by someone with the ‘wisdom, courage, hope, integrity, and determination’ – not to mention ‘humility’: it’s very important for leaders to be ‘humble’, you know – to make this change, HAPPEN!

“In other words: you all know what you have to do. Now, if you don’t mind... I have a rather urgent plane to catch. There’s just been a tsunami in some God-forsaken African country, somewhere... and my PR agents tell me it would make an excellent photo-opportunity, for my next ‘Time Magazine’ cover-shoot. See you all next time!”