To hell with marriage?

Both sides of the Divorce Referendum campaign needed to magnify worse-case scenarios to support their arguments on marriage. In the process, the two poles seem oblivious of the one clear warning they are sending to segments of society: ‘If you are single, stay so’.

The prospects are so damn dire that would-be brides and grooms may be tempted to reconsider their choices. The wedding industry should be on high alert. Turn wedding halls into apartment blocks, plant surplus carnations in roundabouts, change your white limos into hearses; substitute wedding bells with death knells; keep your frilly virgin gowns and go to hell!

I do not blame young couples’ new anxieties. Images of battered black-eyed women and helpless desperate housewives abound. We hear about miserable, inconsolable and psychologically-marred children born to featherbrained parents who leave relationships without batting an eyelid. There is ample reference to deceitful men, whose pockets are strained by the weight of multiple alimonies and hefty utility bills. Isn’t this enough to frighten the most resolute of star-crossed lovers? And we have not even added the gargantuan stress that comes from buying a house; paying mortgages; choosing furniture; paying school fees and making ends meet in the age of plenty. Who wants a second chance in this dismal scenario? Isn’t it wiser to avoid taking the first step in the first place?

Here, I am obviously being as hyperbolic to stress that we all need to get real.
Some of the NO campaigners are divorced from a reality that has long dawned on the Maltese islands. We are constituents of the so called ‘risk society’ in which we cannot take our future fore-granted, not even the stability of our most intimate relationships. This reality will not go away, whether we like it or not; whether the state approves a divorce bill or not.

As a nation we may seek to find ways to cope in this sea of uncertainty or opt for the ostrich position and bury our heads in the sand... shifting sand. But a state of blissful denial is not viable.
This referendum campaign shows that we are currently experiencing one of the widest generation gaps ever. “Iz-zwieg kaxxa maghluqa” was one of my nanna’s favourite mantras. The thought of divorce never crossed her mind but ironically it was marriage (not divorce) that she deemed to be a leap in the dark. But if nanna is turning in her grave, it is not because of the NO campaign’s billboard of darkness. She would have been seriously scandalized by those of us who decide to leap out of the box and spread their wings.

The wide generational divide was elegantly described by my colleague Dr Charles Dalli as a gap between the “generazzjoni tal-interdett” and the “generazzjoni tal-internet”. Polls point towards a historical paradox; the divorce bill is more likely to be blocked by the “generazzjoni tal-interdett”. When did the lion-hearted generation that defied mortal sin and excommunication suddenly turn into an army of strawmen and women? Is it because they are being persuaded they may all go to hell if they support a Parliamentary Bill that regulates marriage?

The “generazzjoni tal-internet” will surely pass a Divorce Bill in the near future. Even some of the strongest ‘No’ supporters acknowledge this. But still, some key figures within political parties, the State, the Church and civil society resorted to the tactics employed by the “interdett” generation. In the process, they revealed how detached they are from the tectonic shifts that are reshaping the current social landscape. Moreover, they are showing insensitivity towards the role played by modern-day individuals.

The people who form the internet generation will surely not be silenced. Dinosaurs from the past will need to evolve if they wish to survive into the future.