Self-cleaning Blue Lagoon? The Ġaħan-army might save us from climate change

What are we skinning? The miraculous self-cleaning properties of Comino’s already miraculous Blue Lagoon.

Why are we skinning it? Because we should air the unique properties of this site more often, given how we seem to have neglected it for so long (and for shame!).

For shame indeed… who was it that finally brought this feature to light? That would be Michael Zammit Tabona, head of Captain Morgan ferries and all-round intuitive connoisseur of the arcane corners of the archipelago’s eco-system.

What a remarkable, well-rounded man. Indeed. The only real tragedy is that he was forced to reveal this key piece of knowledge under the most unfavourable of circumstances.

And what would those be? He was unfairly hounded by the unscrupulous staff contingent of this very newspaper, who prodded and hounded him with questions about whether or not there should be an enforced cap on visitors to Comino.

What insolence! I wouldn’t blame Mr Zammit Tabona for losing his temper in the face of such a shameless display of unwarranted rudeness and hostility. In fact, being human, Zammit Tabona recalled how “Every 10 years or so some idiot brings up such an idea”. Don’t know about you, but I myself am certain that a man of such unqualified decorum as Zammit Tabona would only venture to use the term ‘idiot’ so flippantly in a media interview if he was unceremoniously and unambiguously provoked.

So who are the ‘idiots’ in question this decade around? Oh, just the usual bunch of environmentalists – such as Moviment Graffitti and Birdlife Malta – and a smattering of their supporters among the general population.

But do they know that the Blue Lagoon is self-cleaning thanks to the “currents in the area”? No, which is why they are misguided, and require the firm torch of enlightenment to be held up to their faces by high-value citizens such as Michael Zammit Tabona.

I for one will never deign to listen to the complaints of lazy, idealistic environmentalists when industrialists like Michael Zammit Tabona are a dime a dozen, and ready to generously dispense with knowledge and advice at the drop of a Comino sun hat. With such exemplars to take care of us, we have virtually no choice but to board that overcrowded boat to Comino, grab a polluting pineapple and rent an illegal deckchair.

Do say: “The Blue Lagoon is self-cleaning as much as the Earth is flat. We shouldn’t have to point that out, but the recent churn of history has sadly thought us otherwise.”

Don’t say: “If Moviment Graffitti are ‘idiots’, that’s good news. It means that Malta’s gaħan-army will be at the forefront of cutting-edge discoveries that will save the world from the effects of climate change, endemic war and whatever new pandemic crops up in the future.”