While politicians canvass, a comedy show is busy tearing them apart

It is election season in Malta, which means the billboards are up, the mass meetings are loud, the canvassers are knocking, and somewhere out there a politician is sitting across from a constituent who has just handed him a list. 

Items on the list include a parking ticket to be taken away, a parking spot for the car, spots for the wife's, brother's, and gardener's cars, a no-work job, a removed speed bump for a cuddle before bedtime, some money, a woman and a man for sex, a bigger house, a trip around the world, and a doughnut... actually three doughnuts (tlieta u nofs tat-tifla). 

It is election season in Malta, which means the billboards are up, the mass meetings are loud, the canvassers are knocking, and somewhere out there a politician is sitting across from a constituent who has just handed him a list. (Photo: Albert Camilleri)

The politician, naturally, says yes to all of it.

Politically Erect is a live comedy roast of the 2026 election, running for six shows before people vote on 30 May. It opened on 22 May, uniquely mocking the ongoing campaign in real time. 

'The line between reality and parody barely exists' 

Steve Hili, comedian and writer of Naughty Malta and Adult Panto, has watched Maltese politics long enough to know the material writes itself. "Seeing as the line between reality and parody in Maltese politics barely exists anyway, this show seemed like a no-brainer," he said. 

A production of Theatre Next Door, produced by FM and Theatre Next Door, the show was created and directed by Hili amid the ongoing campaign. "I wanted to roast the election. I think people do enjoy having a laugh and taking the piss out of politicians," he said.  

There is no grand message, he insists, except perhaps one. "We should be able to laugh at ourselves, and at ridiculous things that sometimes people say and come up with." The show has already struck a nerve. "People have said that they find it cathartic, so in a way it's also quite important." 

He assembled Comedy Knights veterans Pia Zammit and Naomi Said, theatre regular Sean Briffa, and TikTok personality James Ryder. (Photo: Albert Camilleri)

He assembled Comedy Knights veterans Pia Zammit and Naomi Said, theatre regular Sean Briffa, and TikTok personality James Ryder, who once ran for the European elections, a detail the show highlights repeatedly. 

Ghosts, songs, and no backbone 

The show opens with the ghost of Dom Mintoff, returning from beyond the grave to note that in his time, they would never have done a roast of the election. The second act features Simon Busuttil, a ghost who is alive but thematically relevant, furious because Bernard never sent a Christmas card after failing to learn charisma from him. 

The opening song sets the scene with the news desk tearing through the week's headlines: A man with no backbone who swore he would never vote again is voting again. The prime minister likes the remote working proposal because it is what his one remaining brain cell is already doing.  

Then the candidacy of Omar Rababah comes up, and the news desk grinds to a halt, as Ryder launches into a dance routine, chanting the candidate's name to the ra-ra-ra beat of Lady Gaga's Bad Romance.  

This ends up happening again and again until everyone pitied the chair.

Following the news that Robert Abela plans to give €5,000 per baby, massive depression has been reported within the Gozitan sheep community. (Photo: Albert Camilleri)

Following the news that Robert Abela plans to give €5,000 per baby, massive depression has been reported within the Gozitan sheep community. "Suddenly," one cast member notes, "I am less desirable than Karl Stagno Navarra." 

Santa, skills wallets, and a time machine 

One sketch lists every mass transit study since the mid-2000s, concluding that by 2035, Malta will have the most-studied traffic jam in the world. Santa Claus storms the stage, furious that people no longer want anything from him because the two parties have promised everything. "What the hell is a skills wallet?!" he screams.   

Then Sandra Gauci walks in and asks if he can get her elected for Christmas. He says nothing and runs away. 

(Photo left) Momentum Secretary General Mark Camilleri Gambin (left) and Chairperson Arnold Cassola (right) with show producer Steve Hili, and (right photo) ADPD Chairperson Sandra Gauci (left) next to actor Naomi Said who played her in the show. The politicians were present during one of the shows to watch the skits, some featuring themselves (Photo: Albert Camilleri)

A sketch imagines Arnold Cassola as prime minister of Malta's utopia, where traffic is gone, everyone has a free home, and the country is rich because Cassola went to the United Nations, showed off his muscles, and every country handed over billions.  

A PN canvasser points out that the time machine was stolen from the Nationalists, which is why they have spent so much time stuck in the past. 

The audience wrote the manifesto 

A fake debate pits Sean's Democratic Integrity Campaign for Knowledge, Harmony, Evaluation and Development (DICKHEAD) against Pia's Order of Sovereignty, Harmony, Equality, Nation, Organisation, Reform, Meritocracy and Integrity (OSH ENORMI), with proposals written by the audience.  

They include mandatory photos from Ricky Caruana thrice weekly, a public hanging for saying "Ol di best" at Christmas, a cosmetic grant for B-cup or smaller, a ban on voice notes over two minutes, and summer Mondays as self-care days. Pia wins. The proposal writers only blame themselves.  

A fake debate pits Sean's Democratic Integrity Campaign for Knowledge, Harmony, Evaluation and Development (DICKHEAD) against Pia's Order of Sovereignty, Harmony, Equality, Nation, Organisation, Reform, Meritocracy and Integrity (OSH ENORMI), with proposals written by the audience.

The show also finds time for a list of things you can say both during an election and whilst having sex. "Thank you for the opportunity to serve." "I really like the look of that poll." "I am really looking forward to giving it to a Labourist," was said... and demonstrated. 

L-I-B-A 

The first act closes with a song concluding that most politicians are just L-I-B-A (literal translation 'sperm'), lost in time, begging for your vote and treating you like scum once they have it. 

But not before the moment Vincent Marmara's name is mentioned in the polls segment, and Ryder is off again, ra-ra-ra, same choreography, different name. The audience knows exactly what is coming and loves it anyway. 

The election is on 30 May. Politically Erect runs until Thursday 28 May with two shows of one hour and a half each at Theatre Next Door in Naxxar. The first show starts at 5pm and ends at 6:30pm whilst the second show starts at 8pm and ends at 9:30pm. No politician is safe. Tickets are available online.