Violent adolescents: We need level heads, not knee-jerk reactions

When a 14-year-old boy stabs one of his classmates multiple times at 8am before school starts, it is understandable that the reaction will be one of shock and horror. And, inevitably and unsurprisingly, because the aggressor was Libyan (as was the victim) the first immediate response will carry racist overtones.

The ‘send him back to his country’ mantra, however, fell a bit flat on learning that the child has been here since he was three years old because, for all intents and purposes, this IS his country. But let us say this teenager and his family are in fact deported for this criminal behaviour; what would be resolved exactly?

The culprit is not an adult who is living here temporarily but a minor who has lived here all his life, so calling for deportation means we would be missing the wood for the trees. Obviously, the charges against him are of alarming concern: Attempted murder, carrying explosives and threatening the victim, the headmaster and the deputy head. His defence team claim this violent behaviour all stems from the fact that the boy has been bullied at school for a number of years, which still needs to be proven in a court of law. The fact remains that when these things happen we need to rein in the hysteria and put things into perspective. Statements such as as “we’ve become as bad as the US or UK” are completely off the mark and (thankfully) wildly exaggerated.

Following the stabbing, a seven-person advisory board has now been appointed by the Education Ministry to make recommendations on how to improve behaviour management at schools.

Meanwhile, a mere few days later, two 15-year-old girls at another school got into an altercation which ended up with one of them suffering a broken nose. Now, to break someone’s nose you have to punch them pretty hard. I have not seen any mention of their nationality (although I am guessing they are both Maltese). The aggressor has pled guilty to the charges although she claims insults and threats were the reasons for the assault.

While the gravity and implications of the first case far outweigh the second, they both point to something seriously wrong, not in our schools as much as among our adolescents. This is why we need to tread carefully not to fan the flames of an already panicked public. I saw calls for metal detectors and for former soldiers to be deployed at schools, and other knee-jerk reactions which won’t solve anything and are not getting to the root of the problem.

Teenagers turn to violence and fights at school for a myriad of reasons; they could be acting out as a result of bullying, family troubles at home, emotional neglect or even an undiagnosed personality disorder. We also cannot discount the possibility that they have witnessed domestic violence at home—although let me make it clear I am not referring to these two cases as the facts have not yet emerged. But, generally speaking, If children see their parents raise their fists in anger or are unable to control their blind fury without resorting to threats, the likelihood is that they will learn that is how you act when someone pisses you off. I hasten to add that this is not always the case. Sometimes, instead of becoming bullies themselves, children’s learned behaviour becomes that of submission and they end up being the kids who are always picked on at school, which is just as problematic.

I also do not believe that this is a case of nationality or race because if that were the case we would never hear of any delinquent Maltese teenagers who are prone to violence, whereas a simple search would reveal one news story after another where very grievous injuries were inflicted by Maltese youngsters.

I don’t want to be misunderstood that just because violence can be (and often is) perpetrated by Maltese people as well that means we should just shrug it off or sweep it under the carpet—far from it. On the contrary, I believe that it is precisely because we have a burgeoning problem that we need to assess what is happening  around us. We have a cocktail of factors in our society which is creating (or in some instances, has already created) a generation which is disconnected from others, unable to feel empathy or compassion and is lacking in real social skills.

The most obvious culprit is the facile anonymity of social media about which reams have already been written. On top of that we have too many kids who are drifting along without any real guidance or discipline at home. Call me a boomer all you like, but I am of the firm belief that gentle parenting simply does not work. I recently watched a podcast by Jon Mallia with Denise Gafa, she of the beautiful face and colourful tattoos up to her neck, and I found her background story to be extremely fascinating because she perfectly explained what happens when there is laissez-faire parenting.

Put succinctly, she grew up in a household where both her parents worked very hard, perhaps too hard, and were not very present at home. She had a lot of freedom but describes how her constant rebellion could have been a way of getting their attention and approval, and that looking back it would have done her a lot of good to have firm rules and boundaries at home. I found this interesting because usually rebellion is associated with parents who are extremely strict, with teenagers pushing back against all the dictums of “you cannot do this or that”.  But because parenting is probably the most difficult job in the world, it is almost impossible to get it right 100% of the time, and one is constantly just trying to teeter along, like an acrobat in a high wire act, oscillating between being too lenient and too draconian. What is definite, however, is that children need adults (whether their own parents, grandparents or guardians) who look out for them and genuinely care what they are up to.

Absentee fathers especially are a growing concern in this country where—like in many other countries—single mothers are on the rise. Women raising kids completely on their own is not benefiting anyone, least of all society. Boys in particular need that role model; a father figure they can look up to from whom they can learn what it means to be a decent, respectful man in today’s world. As for girls with no father present—well the phrase ‘Daddy issues’ was not invented for nothing. There is a certain stable reassurance during children’s adolescence in having solid parenting at home, no matter who is providing it. But there has to be someone; leaving them to their own devices is a recipe for trouble.

We need to take a long hard look at what is happening around us, including the erosion of respect towards authority figures such as teachers, who can testify to the increased difficulty of controlling defiant behaviour within the school setting. Most of all we need to ensure that children who are disruptive, who are bullies and who are showing signs of being disturbed, are being spotted and helped in the best way possible, rather than falling through the net.

All this is in no way intended to detract from the fact that a boy almost succeeded in stabbing his schoolmate to death. But as rightly put by former President Marie-Louise Coleiro Preca, if we want to prevent further violent attacks, we need to understand and address the underlying issues which would make a boy lose control like that in the first place.