Division. O Joy!

In fact I'm still not sure what the fuss was about: other than a band with a cult following (like so many others at the time) of which you were either a deeply devoted fan... or else you'd probably never recognise a Joy Division song in your life.

There was, however, one exception. It went like this:

"Love! Love Will Tear Us  Apart. 

Again.

Love! Love Will... Tear..."

Damn, happens every time. The song just doesn't have an end.  A little like that Slinky toy some of us might remember from our childhood: the one which 'walked' down the stairs all on its own, as if propelled by an inner will. But what really propelled it was the endless momentum of of its own, circular rhythmic movements.

All, I suppose, part of the song's (and the toy's) undying, almost maddening charm. And it might explains why absolutely everybody knows Joy Division's 1979 classic 'Love Will Tear Us  Apart'... whether they know that they know it or not. They may not recognise the song, or they may (like me) think it was actually by New Order, or someone else altogether.  But they'll all be able to hum it at the drop of a hat.

Ready?  "Em D Dsus4 D Dmaj9 Em7/Bm A"....  over and over again, indefinitely, until the end of time, etc.

Meanwhile I can think of a few other reasons for its enduring fame, too. One concerns football (what else?), and the fact that Man Utd fans did unto 'Love Will Tear Us Apart' what  Liverpool fans had earlier done unto 'You'll Never Walk Alone'.

They tore it apart.

Another is a little-known factoid that this same track was once (long ago) used as a hold-in-call jingle on the CMRU phone line: "Hello, you have reached the Malta Police Force's Community and Media Relations Unit. Your call will be attended to as soon as possible. Love! Love Will Tear Us Apart, Again! etc." (Sadly someone must have realised in the end,  because there's now an equally disturbing 'marċ brijuż' instead).

A final, more cliche reason had something to do with the same song's haunting melody and eerily wistful lyrics which (according to the hyperbole favoured by music critics throughout the 1980s) transcended the constraints of time and space, etc.: so that where other late 1970s tracks can now be dated or at least approximated immediately on a first hearing... this one can't. Could have been written yesterday. Could have been written 300 years ago, and played on a harpsichord.   

But played as a video game on a computer? A video game designed and written by a Maltese team of programmers? Now that is something completely new to me. And to the rest of the world too, by the looks of how the game itself was received in the international press.

Sadly I cannot claim to have played it myself... for reasons my computer tells me involve a 'shockwave plugin compatibility problem'  (gee thanks, Hal 9000, that really explained everything)... so I can't comment on how the actual game works. But I find it mind-blowing that someone would actually get such a barmy idea in the first place; and then sift through the mechanics of something as totally abstract as a twisted and tormented love song - one that has already been plundered by absolutely everyone, including the Malta police, for over 30 years - and still find enough material to construct something new.

And this got me thinking. As you might have noticed from my ongoing problems with Hal 9000 here... I'm not much good at getting machines to do what I want them to do (and if you turn that sentence around a little, and replace the 'not much'with 'very', you'll understand why, too). But maybe, who knows? I could get someone else to get those machines to do stuff. You know: delegation of responsibilities, and all that.

So here's the idea, if any computer programmers are listening. I want to make a video game about the first 100 days of Joseph Muscat (even though by the time you put it together it will be closer to 120 days... which has a certain ring to it anyway). You can even stick to the 'Will Love Tear Us Apart' motif if you like - for the entire game, as I see it, plays out to the exact same basic theme as what I've read of the computer game variation so far.

As the person who takes control of your own min-Joseph character, you must likewise battle against the forces tearing a relationship apart: only this time, it's the relationship between yourself and the electorate.

Now, I'll leave all the actual algorithms, computations and technical whatnot to you to decide for yourselves; but here is roughly how I envisage the finished game. It plays out as a third person action shooter, where you fly around spraying 'Magic Muscat Love Potion' (was about to say 'Juice' for a second, but let's try and keep it all family friendly) on all the other NPCs - that's 'non-player characters', for the benefit of any noobs out there.

Obviously you start out as newly elected Prime Minister, and the world is full of LOVE.  This is because you've just sprayed it all with your Magic Muscat Love Potion... that's how you won the election, remember?...  but as time ticks away on the interface clock in the corner, you begin to encounter problems. After all there can only be so much LOVE in the world (and, let's face it - there already is so much; absolutely everywhere you goddamn look)... and because the poor uneducated masses have been kept so ignorant for so long by the Evil Clique (I'll be coming to those in a minute),and are therefore just too darn ignorant to understand how right you always are... well, every now and again they need a reminder of just how much you LOVE them.

Sounds simple, but there is a snag. LOVE doesn't actually pay the bills (and there are dozens of songs to prove it). So each time you use up some of your LOVE potion - which isn't infinite, by the way: even if the real Joseph seems to think otherwise - it'll cost you: a consultancy there, a favour here... and while it is true that all NPCs' loyalty and devotion grows each time you pepper them with favours... it is just as true that thye will despise you in equal measure whenever you spray anywhere else.

And then, of course, there's the Evil Clique.  Its members will be hidden throughout the game environment (hint: look for them in all the major power nodes) and should you accidentally - or deliberately - ever spray one of those dudes full of LOVE... well, it's a little like taking a Chance in Monopoly. It could be a bank error in your favour... and it could be general repairs on all your properties, after which you go to jail without passing GO and colleting $200.

As for the ultimate aim... well... it's a little like that Joy Division song I suppose. It juts keeps carrying on forever, propelled by its own momentum, until the end of time. Someone else gets into power eventually... has to do the same thing until he loses power...  then someone replaces him... and...

Love! Love Will Tear Us Apart.

Again...