Now’s the time to turn the Gwardamangia residence into a morbid Madame Tussaud’s experience

What are we skinning? The death of Queen Elizabeth II and its psychologically searing effect on royalists everywhere… Malta included.

Why are we skinning it? Because it serves as the perfect synecdoche for our relationship to ancestral modes of power, particularly the kinds which still retain a glittering, nostalgic allure like the British royal family, who still cake themselves in finery and jewels and even enjoy cultural currency through and acclaimed ongoing Netflix series.

But surely the Netflix series has been marred by the ultimate spoiler now? Did familiarity with the overarching framing narrative hurt The Passion of the Christ’s box office takings?

No… certainly not in Malta, where pretty much every schoolkid was carted off to watch a film which by all accounts was more graphic than even your average horror movie. In fact, such irrationality also underlies Malta’s enduring love for the royal family, I would say.

How do you mean? Much like we hold onto our bequeathed Catholicism – arriving, apparently, with a shipwrecked St Paul and further validated by the Knights of Malta’s celebrated showing at the Great Siege – a lot of us still make a big deal of our membership in the Commonwealth. From the Pope to the Queen, we like to be seen as forming part of that bejeweled tapestry, and to perform the rituals that ensure its ongoing existence, if not relevance.

The Queen did die on Malta’s Victory Day after all. A spot of poignancy that will not go unnoticed, I’m sure.

It’s a shame that we can’t seem to be possessed with the same gene that made ‘Irish Twitter’ such a source of dark fun after the monarch’s passing. This is true. But Maltese humour largely revels in punching down.

Meaning? We tend to make a taboo out of poking fun at the powerful. Just look at the hordes of Maltese royalists who, going by their online proclamations and self-righteous tut-tutting, would have been keen to take a bullet for a Queen who not only hasn’t held official jurisdiction over their country since 1974, but whose country has now also exited from the same pan-European setup we form part of.

I guess it’s reassuring to think that you’re somehow associated with the same class that gets to clasp at those blindingly shiny crown jewels on a regular basis. Yes, and it is precisely this instinct that underlies other irrational phenomena – such as the working class tendency to vote for reactionary, conservative parties.

‘Please sir, may I join your club’? Yes. Because there can be miracles, when you believe.

Do say: “For better or for worse, the reign of Queen Elizabeth II defined an era, if only for the fact that it went on and on for oh so very long. But that shouldn’t preclude us from analysing either the minutiae of her reign nor the very notion of a contemporary monarchy which still reigns in this day and age… not least when it comes to homegrown royalists still reeling from a bad case of post-colonial syndrome.”

Don’t say: “Now’s the perfect time to turn the Queen’s former Gwardamangia residence into a morbid Madame Tussaud’s experience! It’s just the kind of immersive gentrification setup that area so desperately needs.”