Heat, like traffic and prime-ministerial U-turns, is just a perception. Trust me, bro

What are we skinning? The latest manifestation of the climate crisis in action; aka, the merciless heatwave wreaking havoc over our wellbeing, stamina levels and electricity supply.

Why are we skinning it? Can you physically speak about anything else?

Physicality in general is a bit of a problem right now. Just when Malta is no longer in the headlines for its record- (and bench-) breaking obesity rates, in comes a meteorological phenomenon which all but mandates bodily stagnation.

But hey, at least we barely even have the strength to go out for a burger, right? That may have been the case a few years ago, but now food-hailing apps allow us to cut through heatstroke by subcontracting it to impoverished migrant workers.

Doesn't it make you feel like a king? Yes, the dictatorial despot of a sizzling island nation... what more could you want?

Beaches free of unsustainably numerous tourists with loud Bluetooth speakers, for one thing. Hey, if you want to make an omelette, you gotta break some eggs. And in this heat, you can cook the damn thing right in the open, no pan required!

But I bet the tourists aren't enjoying the sporadic blackouts. Hmm, it could be a quaintness thing. Back to the past.

New York in the '70s, kind of thing? I mean, why binge on Netflix true crime docs when you can have the Summer of Sam vibe right here?

It'll all be over by next week, right? That's what they said last week...

So, this is the climate change thing that everyone's been talking about for so long? Doesn't it feel great to finally experience something you've been hearing so much about?

I thought the anticipation was killing me. But now, you're actually dying.

But I will be reborn once I step into an airconditioned cinema to see Barbie. Yes, though in Malta you'd have to wait a bit longer to balance things out with a screening of Oppenheimer.

Boom and bust; isn't that what the Capitalist West is all about? Though if we're doing the Barbie : Oppenheimer ratio, it's more like Bust and Boom.

Do say: "If there's any silver lining in such extreme weather events, it would be their ability to potentially serve as a rallying call for a change in our organisational structures and general behaviour. Hope springs eternal anyway, even in summer."

Don't say: "Heat, like traffic and prime-ministerial U-turns, is just a perception. Trust me, bro."