Abused as a child and later by her husband, a survivor tells the story of breaking free

Donna Anne Pace grew up in London to an English mother and Maltese father. She describes her up brining as “predominantly Maltese; quite strict and somewhat biased.” 

Pace suffered childhood abuse at the hands of her mother. Then at the age of 24, she moved to Malta and married a Maltese man. 

The abuse Pace suffered at the hands of her husband was both physical and mental. “I found myself in a cycle of abuse since I was a child – and it was difficult for me to break free from it.” 

Pace says that after years of abuse, she decided to leave the marriage in 2014 - the couple already had children together by this time. 

“I made the decision a few years ago to separate, and a year later, I filed for a divorce. I could not afford to hire a solicitor, so I taught myself how to complete the necessary documents to submit to the family court,” she explains. 

Pace reflects on this period. An aspect that is not discussed enough is the fallout of leaving, she says. “I was on an emotional roller-coaster as parents, my siblings, some of my extended family members along with some mutual friends backed away from me and decided to ostracise me.” 

That was when she began to write: “In 2017, I decided to put my thoughts and emotions into words and found it very cathartic.”

Domestic abuse survivor Donna Anne Pace has found writing down her emotions a cathartic experience

“I decided to share my story and began campaigning to start speaking up publicly through the press and social media in the UK, USA, and Malta, about the horrors of abuse that I have witnessed or endured since childhood into adulthood. I decided that my newfound confidence and self-worth was going to become the platform upon which I would help other survivors of abuse.” 

Pace independently published her first book in 2020 entitled  The Reinvention of Me. Then, in that same year, she co-wrote a book with nine other survivors entitled  Giving Women A Voice.  Donna Anne Pace conceived this global anthology project in 2018 after breaking her silence and declaring to the world that she is no longer a victim of domestic violence but a survivor. 

Donna then reached out to women across social media groups, blogs, organisations and to women within her network in order to provide reassurance, hope, support and the fantastic offer of giving a female survivor a voice. 

Apart from Pace, two of the chapters were contributed by Maltese women who chose to remain anonymous out of fear of retribution.  

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‘I often asked myself why I didn’t leave’ - The Caged Child (Chapter 9)

Martha* lived in fear of her life being taken away for more than a decade. “I often asked myself why I didn’t leave,” she wrote. “When I did finally leave with my whole heart shattered at having busted my family, I still spent hours and hours questioning myself. Did I do the right thing to leave? It haunted me to look in my child’s eyes and carry the guilt of having taken her family from her.” 

She was young when she left, in fear that her husband would kill her. It took her 10 years: “Little did I know that the relationship after him was going to be even worse.”

Martha ended up being preyed on by another “narcissist” who love bombed her. “A snake who reeled me in with the sob story of their past, so similar to mine. It only took six months for the pattern to start emerging the hooded looks, the snarls, and the quick apologies after,” she wrote. 

Things came to a head when her husband punched her in the face, breaking her nose. “I just crumpled on the floor, on my knees whimpering, and the snake just came in front of me and hit me with a punch in my face that broke my nose.” 

“After the hospital incident, I took the next courageous step. It was the biggest step of all. I started therapy. The healing brought the transformation. From victim and abuse, I became motivated. I had sworn to help women. To be there for women who, like me, have gone through the claws and razors of abuse.”  

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‘Unexpectedly, as soon as we got back from our honeymoon, there was a shift in behaviour’  – Reborn (chapter 10)

Rebecca* grew up in what she described as an “ardent Catholic family who believed very deeply in the catholic values and traditions.”

Rebecca met her husband while she was studying for a masters degree abroad. “He was charming and funny and had so much energy. Until then, I had never met anyone like him before; in fact, he stood out from the rest. He courted me with a bunch of flowers every month at work and surprise trips aboard. He was so charming I fell in love through and through,” she said.

Rebecca explained that they dated for three years before getting married. “We had a dream wedding with no expense spared. I remember the speech at our wedding sounded like it was out of a movie... Unexpectedly, as soon as we got back from our honeymoon, there was a shift in behaviour.”

Rebecca said her former husband began having significant problems at work and his friends telling her he was “very depressed.” As the marriage progressed, things got worse and more aggressive; he became highly intimidating. “I found myself finding excuses for his behaviour many times, especially with my family,” Rebecca said. 

“I have only one regret. I waited 9 years to leave him, and I wish I had left him sooner.”

*Names have been created for storytelling purposes; the stories were published anonymously. 

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The stats: 1 in 4 European women will experience violence by an intimate partner

The WHO Regional Office for Europe estimates that 5,400 homicides are committed against women aged 15-49 in Europe. Evidence suggests that about 2 out of 5 of these murders are executed by a current or ex-intimate partner.  

Death rates are higher in low- and middle-income countries. The prevalence of non-fatal violence is much higher, and it is estimated that 1 in 4 women in Europe will experience physical and sexual violence by an intimate partner at some point in her life. Estimates based on surveys in Europe suggest 49 million women in the region have experienced violence.