[LIVE] Eurovision Song Contest 2015

Malta may not have made it to the final but the show must go on! Reporting live from his secret lair, it's Eurovision Whisperer: Chucky Bartolo.

Eurovision hosts on stage in Vienna
Eurovision hosts on stage in Vienna
00:50 This is where I leave you all until next time! Enjoy Sweden's Winning performance and I will see you all soon enough! Chucky Bartolo, out! Chucky Bartolo
00:49 We get to see "THE FACE" once more! Chucky Bartolo
00:49 and Finally: Georgia - 8:Italy 10: Azerbaijan 12: Armenia Chucky Bartolo
00:48 Estonia- 8: Hungary 10: Sweden 12: russia Chucky Bartolo
00:46 Portugal- 8:Sweden 10:russia 12: Italy Chucky Bartolo
00:45 Norway- 8: Latvia 10: Australia 12: Sweden Chucky Bartolo
00:44 So sorry Norway, no one cares Chucky Bartolo
00:43 Cyprus: 8: Greece 10: Sweden 12: Italy Chucky Bartolo
00:42 (Honestly, no sweatpatches on that shirt? He must be some Norse god) Chucky Bartolo
00:42 Iceland- 8: Australia 10:Norway 12:Sweden Chucky Bartolo
00:41 Italy: 8: Israel 10: russia 12: Sweden Chucky Bartolo
00:40 San Marino- 8:Australia 10: Italy 12: Latvia Chucky Bartolo
00:39 russia- 8:Sweden 10:Belgium 12:Italy Chucky Bartolo
00:37 Israel: 8:russia 10:Sweden 12: Italy Chucky Bartolo
00:35 Poland- 8: Australia 10: Latvia 12: Sweden Chucky Bartolo
00:35 Poland- 8: Australia 10: Latvia 12: Sweden Chucky Bartolo
00:35 The Netherlands: 8:Australia 10: Sweden 12:Belgium (EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS VOTE YES) Chucky Bartolo
00:33 Lithuania- 8: Estonia 10: Sweden 12: Latvia Chucky Bartolo
00:32 Georgia- Another country taken over by Russian forces it would seem Chucky Bartolo
00:31 United Kingdom: (Hola Nigella Lawson) 8: Italy 10: Australia 12: Sweden Chucky Bartolo
00:30 Hungary- 8:Australia 10:Sweden 12: Belgium (YAAAAS) Chucky Bartolo
00:29 Slovenia: 8: Italy 10:Montenegro 12: Sweden Chucky Bartolo
00:28 Macedonia: 8: Slovenia 10: Serbia 12: Albania Chucky Bartolo
00:26 Austria: 8: russia 10: Italy 12: Australia Chucky Bartolo
00:25 Spain- 8: Sweden 10: russia 12: Italy Chucky Bartolo
00:24 Czech Republic: 8: russia 10: Sweden 12: Azerbaijan Chucky Bartolo
00:20 Australia: 8:Italy 10: russia 12: Sweden Chucky Bartolo
00:19 Germany- 8: Belgium 10: Sweden 12: russia Chucky Bartolo
00:18 Sweden: 8:Italy 10:Belgium 12: Australia Chucky Bartolo
00:16 Ireland:8:russia 10: Sweden 12: Latvia Chucky Bartolo
00:15 Armenia- 8: Montenegro 10: Georgia 12: russia Chucky Bartolo
00:14 France- 8: Sweden 10: russia 12: Belgium FINALLY Chucky Bartolo
00:13 Belgium: 8:Italy 10:russia 12:Sweden Chucky Bartolo
00:12 Switzerland- 8: Australia 10:Norway 12: Sweden Chucky Bartolo
00:10 Denmark: 8: Australia 10: Russia 12: Sweden Chucky Bartolo
00:09 Serbia: 8: Sweden 10: russia 12: Montenegro Chucky Bartolo
00:07 Latvia- 8: Italy 10: russia 12: Sweden Chucky Bartolo
00:06 Azerbaijan- 8:Italy 10: Georgia 12: russia Chucky Bartolo
00:04 Moldova: 8:Sweden 10:russia 12:Romania Chucky Bartolo
00:03 Albania: 8:Russia 10: Greece 12:Italy Chucky Bartolo
00:02 Belarus: 8: Belgium 10: Sweden 12: Russia Chucky Bartolo
00:00 Romania- 8: Sweden 10: Russia 12: Italy Chucky Bartolo
23:59 Portugal- Bye Susie? Chucky Bartolo
23:58 Greece- 8: Russia 10:Cyprus 12:Italy Chucky Bartolo
23:57 Finland: 8:Russia 10:Estonia 12: Sweden Chucky Bartolo
23:56 Malta's 8:Azerbaijan, 10: Sweden 12:Italy Chucky Bartolo
23:55 Malta OMG JULIE Chucky Bartolo
23:55 Montenegro- 8: Azerbaijan, 10:Albania, 12:Serbia Chucky Bartolo
23:53 Voting results time! Chucky Bartolo
23:40 Voting is now closed! Now 500 more terrible percussion songs till the results Chucky Bartolo
23:37 My love for Belgium aside, I think Sweden will win it this year. Chucky Bartolo
23:34 In case you don't want to listen to the hosts, because you have ears, the voting is still open Chucky Bartolo
23:33 I HADNT NOTICED THE BACKGROUND SINGERS. YES LITHUANIA. You and Serbia get a cookie Chucky Bartolo
23:33 Chucky Bartolo
23:30 What were the organizers thinking? Chucky Bartolo
23:29 Chucky Bartolo
23:27 Amber's revenge part 2, not having to act like a fool while the percussion are doing their thing Chucky Bartolo
23:26 Chucky Bartolo
23:25 Earth Garden promo? Chucky Bartolo
23:23 Morna l-marc ta filodu Chucky Bartolo
23:22 Home phone, app and SMS vote for Belgium. Brussels 2016 please Chucky Bartolo
23:16 So glad they got Serbia's clip from the moment they all lose their minds Chucky Bartolo
23:15 Time to use the power of democracy for something useful and VOTE for your favorite Eurovision entry Chucky Bartolo
23:14 Get those numbers girl! YAS CONCHITA Chucky Bartolo
23:13 Chucky Bartolo
23:11 Not hating on their talent FYI, ridiculously amazing voices Chucky Bartolo
23:11 They sound like when your teacher forces you to do group work with strangers, and you just work separately till presentation day Chucky Bartolo
23:09 Gotta say, I think I'm the only Maltese person who doesn't love them Chucky Bartolo
23:09 And the final act for the night: Italy's Il Volo Chucky Bartolo
23:07 Sorry for the serious tone in my previous update, like Crimea, Russia has annexed my sense humour Chucky Bartolo
23:07 Not sold on the song it's entirety, but she does have a cool timbre to her voice Chucky Bartolo
23:05 Happy to announce someone else has taken the stage. Now it's Albania Chucky Bartolo
23:04 Chucky Bartolo
23:02 Check the credits for this song, 100% certain Putin penned it Chucky Bartolo
23:02 I'm sorry, I swore I wouldn't make the obvious joke, but this literally makes my blood boil. Chucky Bartolo
23:01 Polina Gagarina (not some Maltese children's rhyme) from Russia singing "pure irony" Chucky Bartolo
23:00 Zachary Quinto nailing his keychange Chucky Bartolo
22:58 Straight into the falsetto. YES Chucky Bartolo
22:57 Azerbaijan's Elnur Huseynov, ready to serve Chucky Bartolo
22:54 Warrior Ruslana? Warrior RusTAGHNA! Chucky Bartolo
22:53 HAGRUHA!!!1! Chucky Bartolo
22:53 Georgia's Nina Sublatti with the false Warrior. Chucky Bartolo
22:52 "she could really do with another facial expression" - Cynic #2 Chucky Bartolo
22:51 She looks like she’d be great at leading a cult. Girl, speak to Armenia backstage Chucky Bartolo
22:50 Harmony flashmob? Chucky Bartolo
22:50 She's literally putting my plants to sleep Chucky Bartolo
22:49 Hungary's Boggie takes to the stage now Chucky Bartolo
22:47 Nothing makes a Eurovision song quite like a chorus everyone thinks they can sing, but very much cant. Chucky Bartolo
22:47 ABOUT TIME. "Predictable yet effective" - Cynic #1 Chucky Bartolo
22:45 Kinda disappointed the jogging on the spot man and the tiger didn’t make it from the music video Chucky Bartolo
22:43 To be honest, I'm over this and just looking forward to Spain's entry up next Chucky Bartolo
22:42 How about that goatee. This song kinda sounds like an advert for bio yogurt. Chucky Bartolo
22:40 If you want to prep for the next song (from Romania) just listen to Red Elektrik's "Paul" Chucky Bartolo
22:39 Just casually reminding you that this song is from Latvia...what? Chucky Bartolo
22:38 Sell this to vampire diaries ASAP Chucky Bartolo
22:37 Animata from Latvia singing: "Love Injected" takes the stage Chucky Bartolo
22:36 Spotted: Brazilian flag. No questions asked Chucky Bartolo
22:34 Thursday I said it looked like some odd lenor advert. I apologise for that, it’s much more “Tampon Chic” Chucky Bartolo
22:33 Monika Kuszynska (That was fun to type) from Poland takes the stage Chucky Bartolo
22:31 Chucky Bartolo
22:29 Please don’t look smug at mispronouncing words on purpose Chucky Bartolo
22:29 Another of the big 5: it's Germany's Ann Sophie Chucky Bartolo
22:27 Honestly, how did this beat Malta? Chucky Bartolo
22:26 Chucky Bartolo
22:26 RealTalk: I’m kinda pissed he’s no longer whistling through his teeth while singing cause I had some killer jokes about that Chucky Bartolo
22:25 Bringing all the ego to stage now, it's Montenegro Chucky Bartolo
22:24 Maltese commentator casually remembering he's supposed to talk Chucky Bartolo
22:22 Literally so disappointed in Greece. *Removes Sakis posters from my wall* Chucky Bartolo
22:21 Heavy stage whispering by the Greek entry now Chucky Bartolo
22:18 FINALLY a break, time for popcorn! Chucky Bartolo
22:18 I think that fire was meant to be a lot more controlled, hence him leaving Chucky Bartolo
22:17 He's an arsonist. No one is that happy in the face of flames Chucky Bartolo
22:15 James Bay? (Over 30s may google) Chucky Bartolo
22:15 Home crowd advantage: Austria is up next Chucky Bartolo
22:13 Please remember at all times: he is 19 Chucky Bartolo
22:13 He's insanely talented I can't even Chucky Bartolo
22:11 YES get that high harmony girl! Chucky Bartolo
22:11 BELGIUM GUYS It'S BELGIUM! Loïc Nottet ghar-rebha Chucky Bartolo
22:09 If this song does badly we’re all racists. Chucky Bartolo
22:08 Outsiders have long been interested in the Eurovision song contest as a way of confirming that: yes - All Europeans are in fact gay. Chucky Bartolo
22:07 In case you care: I think it's cool that they allowed them to take part. It's just a bit of fun, relax y'all Chucky Bartolo
22:06 And now the controversial entry: Australia. Chucky Bartolo
22:06 Chucky Bartolo
22:04 Props to his writer for including the word "tatters" in a song. Chucky Bartolo
22:03 "He looks like he's wearing one of those glasses & nose moustache combos" - Eurovision cynic #2 Chucky Bartolo
22:02 Nick from New Girl representing Cyprus is up next Chucky Bartolo
22:02 Chucky Bartolo
22:01 “Damn. I love his face” - Cynic’s ice heart is melting Chucky Bartolo
21:58 Anyone who blocks the screen for the next three minutes gets a shoe thrown at them Chucky Bartolo
21:54 Do you think he gets as scared as I do every time I see her? Chucky Bartolo
21:53 The third duet of the evening (am I sensing a pattern): Norway Chucky Bartolo
21:52 She is everything. Chucky Bartolo
21:50 The first half of this song is sober Karaoke. The second half is when the booze hits. You'll see Chucky Bartolo
21:49 Serbia's Bojana Stamenov is on stage now with: Beauty never lies Chucky Bartolo
21:47 I know that kiss, it’s me in Havana when my friends are being harassed by weirdos. Chucky Bartolo
21:46 Just want you all to know: My nanna loves this song Chucky Bartolo
21:45 Another duet, this time from Lithuania Chucky Bartolo
21:42 This is some weird coven voodoo I do not want to get myself involved in. Chucky Bartolo
21:41 Armenia's Genealogy is up next (is this like the European ripoff of Scientology?) Chucky Bartolo
21:40 I was about to say there's no way it can get worse, everyone please welcome: The Cookie Monster Chucky Bartolo
21:39 "Guys, x'ha namlu bid-dawl tal-Milied ah??" Chucky Bartolo
21:38 The United Kingdom should have better lyrics for a country that INVENTED the language Chucky Bartolo
21:35 Chucky Bartolo
21:34 "Why didn't you wake me up" Me @ my alarm, every morning Chucky Bartolo
21:33 The first duet of the evening: Estonia Chucky Bartolo
21:32 Those shimmies are everything. Already a Eurovision classic Chucky Bartolo
21:30 Just FYI, I spent all yesterday learning the chorus dance moves. I’m ready for this to take over Paceville. (Can someone please call Hugo and tell him?) Chucky Bartolo
21:29 Now it's Nadav Guejd for Israel Chucky Bartolo
21:27 It’s a great honour for Eurovision to have France’s chief anaesthetist here with us today Chucky Bartolo
21:26 There's a French speaker in the room, he too is bored Chucky Bartolo
21:25 And now it's France with The Barefoot Contessa Chucky Bartolo
21:22 Chucky Bartolo
21:22 Amber's revenge begins: Stealing Slovenia's iPod Chucky Bartolo
21:21 First up: Slovenia's Maraaya Chucky Bartolo
21:15 May it be known that since Malta isn't here: Belgium for the win Chucky Bartolo
21:09 Is this a Eurovision rap?? I know what I'm gonna be doing for the next 4 days! Chucky Bartolo
21:07 Times Three, call your lawyers Chucky Bartolo
21:06 Nothing like scaring your friends by screaming: IT'S HERE 1 note into "Rise Like a Phoenix" Chucky Bartolo
21:05 Wow, Corazon's voice broke over the weekend Chucky Bartolo
21:02 Oh well that's just disappointing! No Conchita for me Chucky Bartolo
21:02 IT BEGINS! And in the best way possible Chucky Bartolo
20:41 "Building Bridges, what bull" - The cynic I (already regret that I) invited over. Chucky Bartolo
20:38 HEY GUYS! I was meant to wait till 9 to start posting, but I needed to scream my excitement at these Eurovision throwbacks! Chiara + Ira = OTP Chucky Bartolo

In spite of the heartfelt efforts by Maltese viewers to boycott the event, everything is set for tonight's Grand Final of the Eurovision Song Contest 2015. Following last Thursday's semifinal disappointment, Malta will not be competing in tonight’s show.

Alongside our neighbours-in-spirit Australia, 26 other countries will take to the stage in the hopes of wowing voters from across Europe with their musical numbers. With just thirty minutes to go the tension in the green room is palpable, while backstage this year's Eurovision hosts are rushing around, practising their forced laughs and bad French.