00:18 Hungary calls in, while urging the crowd to look enthusiastic. 12 points from Hungary go to PortugalRachel Agius
00:18 Romania calls in, a little confused perhaps? 12 points go to the NetherlandsRachel Agius
00:17 Belarus gives 12 points to BulgariaRachel Agius
00:16 Cyprus' finest hipster calls in, giving 12 points to Greece. Also, that's not how puns work. Rachel Agius
00:15 Georgia looks a little rough today but was kind enough to call in to give 12 points to PortugalRachel Agius
00:15 84 points in total for Belgium so farRachel Agius
00:15 Ireland and a throwback to my youth, giving 12 points to BelgiumRachel Agius
00:14 The Netherlands calling in, with an adorable dog. A Shih Tzu I believe. She's very cute. Anyway. 12 points go to Portugal Rachel Agius
00:13 Switzerland calls in, giving 12 points to PortugalRachel Agius
00:13 Portugal on the phone now, looking a little smug to be honest. 12 points go to that unboxing performance, AzerbaijanRachel Agius
00:12 A little sad to see Germany at the bottom of the list thereRachel Agius
00:12 Germany calling in, giving 12 points to NorwayRachel Agius
00:11 Italy next, giving 12 points to AzerbaijanRachel Agius
00:10 Australia calling, giving the Queen.. er.. the UK 12 pointsRachel Agius
00:09 Serbia give 12 points to PortugalRachel Agius
00:09 Iceland calling in. 12 points to Portugal, all but guaranteeing a winRachel Agius
00:08 Bulgaria calling in. 12 points go to Austria, moving the country from the right column to the leftRachel Agius
00:07 And we're back Rachel Agius
00:05 With 50 points on their closest competition, Portugal is almost a sure thing by nowRachel Agius
00:04 Armenia calls in. 12 points go to PortugalRachel Agius
00:03 Moldova, ever reminiscent of that childhood beverage, calling in to award 12 points to RomaniaRachel Agius
00:02 Estonia calls in, awards their 12 points to BulgariaRachel Agius
00:02 "Amar Pelos Dois" by Salvador Sobral from Portugal pulling aheadRachel Agius
00:02 Lithuania calling in now. Portugal get 12 pointsRachel Agius
00:01 Greece calling in. 12 points go to Cyprus in a completely unexpected move. Rachel Agius
00:00 France calling in, looking like she got dressed in a hurry. 12 points go to PortugalRachel Agius
23:59 Finland next. Happy 100 years lads. The 12 points from Finland go to SwedenRachel Agius
23:58 The Sagrada Familia calling in. Spain gives 12 points to PortugalRachel Agius
23:58 Sweet to see the sprogs supporting each otherRachel Agius
23:57 12 points from Norway goes to BulgariaRachel Agius
23:57 Norway calling in, playing a quick game of 'lesbian or young boy'.Rachel Agius
23:57 1. Portugal 2. Bulgaria 3. ItalyRachel Agius
23:57 Austria calling in. The Netherlands get 12 pointsRachel Agius
23:56 Portugal in first, followed by BulgariaRachel Agius
23:56 Denmark next. Orange you glad you came tonight? 12 points go to Sweden (surprise!)Rachel Agius
23:55 FYR Macedonia's maitre d' calling in. 12 points go to BulgariaRachel Agius
23:55 Malta gives 12 points to Italy, somewhat predictably. Everyone quietly relieved it wasn't AzerbaijanRachel Agius
23:54 Wahey it's us up next! Rachel Agius
23:54 Albania calls in, giving 12 points to ItalyRachel Agius
23:53 Another quick Google Maps search for Montenegro as they call in. Greece gets the 12 points. Rachel Agius
23:52 12 points from Israel go to Portugal Rachel Agius
23:52 Israel next, with a slightly sinister announcement that the TV station is shutting down. You guys ok?Rachel Agius
23:51 Latvia calling in. 12 points go to PortugalRachel Agius
23:50 San Marino calling in, while everyone looks up where San Marino is again. 12 points go to Portugal. Disney ballad pulling ahead now. Rachel Agius
23:49 Azerbaijan calling in, sounding a little like a hostage. 12 points go to Belarus. Rachel Agius
23:49 Sweden calling in. It looks humid over there. 12 points go to PortugalRachel Agius
23:46 Buckle up everyone. The points are coming up. Bets will be won and lost. Rachel Agius
23:43 Australia are officially uninvited Rachel Agius
23:42 That man is probably being detained somewhere very dark right nowRachel Agius
23:42 BATTLE STATIONSRachel Agius
23:42 A dude in an Aussie flag just ran on stage and mooned everyone. Rachel Agius
23:42 HOLD THE PHONERachel Agius
23:35 Here's a gif to keep you entertained till we get to the good bits
Rachel Agius
23:34 Brief mention of Malta, everyone paid attention real fastRachel Agius
23:29 Another Eurovision fact - Riverdance was first performed during the interval act of Eurovision Song Contest 1994Rachel Agius
23:25 The contestants sit in their pods with hope in their hearts. Rachel Agius
23:17 Russia still sneaking in to the contest, despite being bannedRachel Agius
23:11 Just once I'd like to see something catch fire on stage. Is that too much to ask?Rachel Agius
23:08 And that wraps up the performances for the evening. In the absence of a Maltese entry, you don't have to remind your friends living abroad to vote for us. Take a break, make a sandwich. Just relax.Rachel Agius
23:06 It's not fair though. Anything said in French is at least 72% more appealing than in any other language. She could literally be singing the recipe for pickled herring and still get a standing ovation. Rachel Agius
23:04 That is a very short dress. Rachel Agius
23:03 France up next. Soup du jour. Rachel Agius
23:02 I used to do that with my sleeves in secondary school. Would get such a telling off every time. Rachel Agius
23:00 Bulgaria, with their version of Jojen ReedRachel Agius
23:00 What's the minimum age for competing in ESC? No, no reason. Rachel Agius
22:57Rachel Agius
22:57 A little OK GO with the treadmills thereRachel Agius
22:56 Somehow I don't think Michael Jackson would mind this use of his movesRachel Agius
22:56 Sweden now, making everyone feel inferior in every wayRachel Agius
22:53 Kind of a shame really. Not a bad song and a pretty good voice to carry it off. Rachel Agius
22:53 I know that looks well - an introvert that's been forced outdoorsRachel Agius
22:52 Points for the dress. Charisma of a doorstop. Rachel Agius
22:51 Belgium up next. I mean this in the nicest possible way but she looks so BelgianRachel Agius
22:49 I feel like the hardcore vibe they're trying to give off with the tattoos and piercings is diminished somewhat by the lead singer's adorable attempt at a moustacheRachel Agius
22:48 Definitely not a gay club staple, this oneRachel Agius
22:47 The manliest of participants from the UkraineRachel Agius
22:45 This would be perfectly at home in clubs. A definite plus for this oneRachel Agius
22:43 Sounds a little like TitaniumRachel Agius
22:43 Germany up now. Points for... well, her face. We like her face. Rachel Agius
22:41 Hopefully not the last. I live in hope of seeing someone being shot out of a cannon on the Eurovision stage. Rachel Agius
22:40 Huh. The first artillery of the eveningRachel Agius
22:39 She looks like a Coachella reject, he looks like he'll complain because his favourite coffee shop is out of organic, vegan, Oxford-educated, fair trade teaRachel Agius
22:39 Yo de lay, mofosRachel Agius
22:39 Romania next, with what appears to be a yodelling rap? Let's see how this strategy plays outRachel Agius
22:36 I like a choreography with a high chance of faceplantRachel Agius
22:35 This game of Follow the Leader has gotten out of handRachel Agius
22:34 Ooh a rock anthem?Rachel Agius
22:34 Cyprus up nextRachel Agius
22:34 Pretty sure I've seen that jacket at Terranova beforeRachel Agius
22:33 I feel like it was missing a clamshell bra and a talking crab. Rachel Agius
22:31 'Don't let go when you're so close.' This has Brexit all over it. Rachel Agius
22:31 Hmm. Not terrible. I mean it's no Bonnie Tyler drunk off her face but still. Passable. Rachel Agius
22:29 UK up next.Rachel Agius
22:29 No, Eurovision is about bitter national rivalries and a stupidly large budget. Rachel Agius
22:27 As the presenters 'banter', another fact. Did you know that live animals are banned from the stage at the ESC?Rachel Agius
22:25 Alright, not bad. Rachel Agius
22:23 That time Anonymous took up musicRachel Agius
22:22 Feelin a little Macklemore right hereRachel Agius
22:21 Knock-off Daft Punk up next with NorwayRachel Agius
22:20 Has he actually used his guitar yet?Rachel Agius
22:20 Oooh 'do IT for your lover'. Makes more senseRachel Agius
22:19 'Do me for your lover'? How lazy can you be?Rachel Agius
22:18 Jack Johnson meets tapas and youth unemploymentRachel Agius
22:17 Oh hang on. Is that a nod to the mannequin challenge? Keeping up with the kids I see. Rachel Agius
22:16 Much to the delight of fans, Greece's fiscal difficulties mean that some members of the team must make do with just loin cloths. Rachel Agius
22:14 Greece up next. Shirtless dudes, checkRachel Agius
22:10 Has anyone figured out what happens if Australia gets the most votes?Rachel Agius
22:09 Catchy song, to be sureRachel Agius
22:08 Cheekbone game equally impressiveRachel Agius
22:07 Eyebrow game is strong Rachel Agius
22:07 Again with the trench coats. Is there a sale on?Rachel Agius
22:06 Australia's preview sadly devoid of dingoes, deadly spiders or STD-carrying koalas. Rachel Agius
22:06 Have to commend his vocal range though. Inhaling helium to Pavarotti in two seconds flat. Rachel Agius
22:05 Sorry for not commenting. I don't know where to start. Rachel Agius
22:03 Aggressive violin-ing opens for CroatiaRachel Agius
22:02 More trench coats than a detective convention Rachel Agius
22:00 Is the horse a metaphor for something? Or is it just a part of the mane event?Rachel Agius
22:00 I wonder how much Lorde charges for this kind of gig Rachel Agius
21:59 Azerbaijan up next. How is everyone in these previews so well put togetherRachel Agius
21:56 Is he ok?Rachel Agius
21:55 And a barber. Please. Rachel Agius
21:55 Hearts melting all over HQ this evening. That is a very ill-fitting jacket though. Someone get the guy to a tailor. Rachel Agius
21:55 Portugal with a Disney-esque balladRachel Agius
21:52 Bringing home the fact that Scandinavians are just superior human beings Rachel Agius
21:51 Points for the fabulous hairRachel Agius
21:51 Denmark channelling some serious 80s vibes this evening Rachel Agius
21:48 (Just a reminder to donate to your favourite wildlife charity tonight. Keep the apes off the streets)Rachel Agius
21:48 Oh well at least the gorilla dressed up for the occasion. Rachel Agius
21:48 Why tho?Rachel Agius
21:45 Italy up next, bringing the pornstache backRachel Agius
21:45 Hungary's circus master is obviously upsetting his back-up dancer Rachel Agius
21:43 We don't know what he's saying but we like his voiceRachel Agius
21:42 Just a reminder that man buns are a crime against humanity. Rachel Agius
21:40 We're not sure whether it's a wedding or a really upbeat funeral on stage tonight but this one's got the hallmarks of a popular ESC songsRachel Agius
21:37 'Sunstroke Project' or as I like to call it, Summer in MaltaRachel Agius
21:37 The hosts walk among the fans, risking significant flag-related injuryRachel Agius
21:33 Oh it's a singalong! Rachel Agius
21:33 That's a lot of glitter from the Netherlands and the first reported siting of the elusive Side-boobRachel Agius
21:31 Thumbs up all round here at HQ for ArmeniaRachel Agius
21:30 Unusual entry, in kind of a good wayRachel Agius
21:29 Edgy haircuts from Armenia's back up crewRachel Agius
21:27 I hate to set a precedent this early in the show but I quite like this one. Rachel Agius
21:26 Maltese flag spotted in the crowd. Keep on keepin' on, guys!Rachel Agius
21:25 Ed Sheeran on schnitzel meets the Dreamworks logoRachel Agius
21:24 Austria up next, promoting vandalism Rachel Agius
21:23 I'd have more comments about this if I could understand the language but I choose to believe it's a sweet song about boats.Rachel Agius
21:22 The crew here can't decide if it's Minnie Mouse or Sailor Moon that's being channelled. Rachel Agius
21:21 I'm already a huge fanRachel Agius
21:20 Belarus up next aaaand there's the evening's first ukulele Rachel Agius
21:19 The lack of chorus is unsettling.Rachel Agius
21:18 FKNK members twitch slightly at that graphicRachel Agius
21:17 An entrance as dramatic as that necklineRachel Agius
21:16 Next up, the Polish entry. Points for the puppies! Rachel Agius
21:15 Not sure where those other dancers came from. Part of the Eurovision magic I suppose. Rachel Agius
21:14 Ok, so the song is definitely not about the aftermath of cardioRachel Agius
21:13 Easy on that key change, fella Rachel Agius
21:12 And we start off with Israel's entry. Judging by the video preview, this song is probably about post-workout sore muscles Rachel Agius
21:09 Breaking Eurovision convention, there are 3 hosts this evening. In true Eurovision fashion, there has been no expense spared on the hair product budget. Lookin' sharp, lads.Rachel Agius
21:07 Random Eurovision fact as everyone makes their way to their allocated seats - Serbia participated the first time as an independent country in 2007 and won the contest the same yearRachel Agius
21:04 Biceps and glitter - I'd say the target audience has been duly identified as all the acts are introduced to the stage. Rachel Agius

Rachel Agius