On the verge of lockdown stress: Forget about being superwomen

Balancing work and kids is always a challenge, but with the COVID-19 pandemic shutting down schools to boot, women suddenly find themselves facing an even more challenging daily reality.

Brenda Murphy, a professor in gender studies, and sociologist Angele Deguara see the narrative shifting and more partners are sharing the workload. But a bona fide balance is yet to be struck, and the pandemic has only brought to the fore the disparity that was already in place.

“We know that a woman’s workday is longer because of the ‘second shift’, and the unpaid labour that they do at home. It’s not even just the cooking, cleaning and washing. Now it’s also the home schooling and the caring not just for children, but the elderly, among others,” Murphy said.

Globally, 75% of unpaid work is done by women. They spend between three and six hours a day compared to men’s average of 30 minutes to two hours. At an individual level, men may be doing their share, but not at a population level. “We know that as women increasingly joined the labour force, men have not matched this shift with comparative increase in their unpaid work.”

However, Deguara highlights that not all the effects of lockdown have been negative on women – suggesting that women now working from home may find it easier to balance their work and family duties, especially since they no longer have to commute to work.

“This also depends on the kind of support that they have from their partner. Women are generally expected to deal with the demands of both worlds, regardless of whether they work full-time or part-time, whether they have professional careers or not, whether they earn more or less than their partners.”

In 2018, Eurostat revealed 79% of women in the EU still cooked and did housework each day, compared to 34% of men.

Staying on trend, the Gender Equality Index 2019: Work-Life Balance found that in Malta around 81% of women do the cooking and housework every day for at least one hour, compared to only 37% of men.

Deguara said that working from home may be more difficult for women with small, dependent children or women who need to care for children with disabilities who are now also out of school and need constant attention.

“Women who have older children and their partners also working from home may also be expected to cook more meals for them and to attend to their other needs more frequently than usual, putting greater strain on women,” Deguara said.

Murphy called to attention single mothers, a group who are often overlooked. “I can’t imagine what it is like to be a single parent with young children; or even older children, but especially younger children at this moment.”

Leaving single-parent households out of the conversation is especially worrying since according to the NSO in 2019, they make up 12% of households in Malta.

Murphy said that the load was especially difficult for these parents. “If they’re working, there’s nobody around to share the burden. And if they’re not working, they’re twice as stressed because they’re worried about finances.”

Brenda Murphy

Kids won’t fall behind

Murphy said she feels strongly that educational institutions have to come forward and state clearly that parents do not need to be perfect teachers, and should not be expected to burden themselves with that additional load of stress on top of everything else right now.

“It’s nearly May and the average syllabus would be almost complete by now anyway. Institutions should be telling parents that they do not need to teach their younger children new material. They should be reassuring them that when kids go back to school, they’ll be exactly where they are supposed to be.”

Murphy brings up an example from Ireland, and the message primary school children were sent home with following the pandemic-induced school shutdown.

“They directed the message to the children and said: We’re going to send you some work during the day between 9 and 2 – if you can do it, do it, and if you can’t don’t worry. More importantly, what we would like you to do is read, help your parents and get lots of exercise… And I thought to myself how liberating, how life-affirmative, how supportive.”

Above all, she says, parents need to trust the teaching professionals and take the pressure off (mostly) women.

Angele Deguara

Time for reflections and discussion

Deguara says that now more than ever, there is time for reflection and discussion. This, she said, may provide more opportunity for positive communication and fruitful debate.

“It may also create more tension and stress, leading to less respectful interaction. In a patriarchal society, much more is needed than a lockdown to solve the problems of gender imbalance. On the contrary, it may worsen the situation. On a national level, the conversation has started, some action has been taken.”

Murphy advises that women stop being hard on themselves. “We are not superwomen, we cannot be superwomen… So hang up the superwoman suit. In fact, throw it out. Step back, and think about how you can make your life a little easier.”

She also says that women should stop obsessing over a clean house. “We don’t need to have perfect houses. We really don’t. We need homes we can relax in, so getting stressed about cleaning and cooking, and maintaining a perfect standard is just extra stress which isn’t needed.”

Don’t stay if it is unsafe

While marriage is about compromise, Murphy stressed that if a woman’s home life is unsafe, shelters were open and ready. “Ideally it should be the perpetrator who leaves not the victim and the children. However, until the State acts like it and starts enacting the Istanbul convention correctly, where the perpetrator is removed instead of the victim and then children, I would say if you are in a situation where there is violence in the house, don’t try to strike a ‘better balance’: just leave.”

Deguara echoed those sentiments, stating that the country had already seen an increase in domestic violence reports since the lockdown, with the majority of victims being women. Which can also be seen from NGOs such as Women’s Rights Foundation warning that that women have been experiencing an increased level of abuse due to the partial lockdown.