As long as Ian Borg’s okay with criticism, then my hours lost to idle commuting are not for naught

The Skinny | No. 53 • Wet Ass Road Structures

Why wait for rain when we can just dive underwater at any time?
Why wait for rain when we can just dive underwater at any time?

What are we skinning? A Song of Rainfall and Malta’s Roads.

Why are we skinning it? For it is a persistent, if not so catchy, tune whose many pitfalls are wet and glistening in a way diametrically opposed to the moist exercises of pleasure sung of by the likes of Cardi B.

So what would be Malta’s WAP, then? Easy. Wet Ass Road Structures. (Editor’s note: for those less inclined towards pop culture and its ephemera, Wikipedia explains the graphic acronym that singer Cardi B’s WAP is).

WARS?! They just about might start a few.

Underwater wars? I kinda like it. Yes. Speaking of underwater fun... back in the day – pre-corona, pre-Yorgen Fenech-yacht-capture – I thought DC’s Aquaman movie was a gloriously overdone CGI bonanza whose likes we could never afford a live re-enactment of in Malta. But now, I’m starting to think differently.

To be fair, most local festas are essentially that Aquaman film crossed with A Little Mermaid, as far as kitsch excess is concerned. Yes, given how COVID-19 has pretty much decimated the local festa scene this summer, going for socially distanced, oxygen deprived variants could be a workable solution.

But why wait for rain when we can just dive underwater at any time? That’s true. And it’s not like last Monday’s downpour – hitting us right at the peak of rush hour – led to anything resembling celebration...

Yes. Clogging up Marsa and forcing all traffic to redirect through Hamrun’s notoriously tough-as-nails main street was something of a powerful guitar riff on Satan’s strings. And yet, many blame the apple-cheeked ‘doer’ Ian Borg...

Well, he said he’s ‘okay with criticism’. As long as he’s okay with that. Yes. My three hours of time lost to idle commuting have not been for naught, then.

Come on, give the sarcastic jabs a rest for a minute. After all, this is the most humble he’s ever been on local media. Don’t be a wet blanket.

Do say: “Allowing Malta’s roads to succumb to flooding every time we are privy to even the slightest of dramatic rainfall is unsustainable and ridiculous. And while we cannot pin the blame entirely on this government’s infrastructural drive, the engines behind its persistent hype-machine would do well to eat some humble pie in the wake of such instances and incidents.”

Don’t say: “An island surrounded by water has no choice but to be entirely waterproof. As our Prime Minister famously said, waves are only found in the sea, and so should it be.”

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