Parents need more flexitime to cope with child-rearing

A presentation of the research project published in the HBSC (Health Behaviour in School-Aged Children) survey found that Maltese adolescents have a low degree of trust in their parents when compared to adolescents in 40 other countries.

When it comes to trust between a mother and her children, Maltese 11-year-olds ranked 34th, 13-year-olds were in 37th place and 15-year-olds were in the 36th place.

The relationship between a father and his children was weaker still, with fathers ranking 40th place right at the bottom of the list.

Four types of families were interviewed: non-distressed, distressed, with parents separated consensually and separated contentiously. In all, 24 fathers, 24 mothers and 30 adolescents coming from 25 families were interviewed.

In non-distressed families, parents were able to reflect on how their upbringing influenced their parenting and the effect their behaviour was having on their children. They realised that pressure on children and coercion discouraged sharing. There was a high level of congruence between different members of the family regarding their experience of the relationships amongst them, even when the picture was not always ideal.

In distressed families, wives were very unhappy when the husbands behaved in a domineering way or belittled them. Many mothers ended up over identifying with their children. Fathers were often not aware of the extent of the negative impact on their wives or children. Children tended to confide more in their mother and disclosed that they evaluated consequences before they confided.

In families with parents separated consensually, the majority of both parents interviewed were cohabiting or in a new relationship. Some had just moved out of a relationship. Some mothers felt distressed and found it difficult to cope on their own or felt overburdened with financial and parental responsibilities. The majority of fathers looked forward to spending time with their children. Some mothers feared that because fathers ended up doing the fun bits, children would be more attracted to them. Children wished to spend time with the parents on their own as opposed to always spending time with their parents in the presence of the parents’ new partners.

With regards to families with parents separated contentiously, a strong theme of loss of or abandonment by one of the parents prevailed.

The interviews also brought to life the pressures of family life and the challenges of parenting adolescents. Most parents asked for more support from school. Many parents wished for more professional help especially family therapy as well as a network of friends who were in the same stage of the family life cycle and who were going through the same challenges with their children. Some fathers needed to be empowered to take on the relatively new role of adopting a warm and supportive relationship with their children.

Children expected their parents to support them and be gentle and calm with them. Half of the children asked for more time with their parents, and wished that they listened to them more.  Parents and children complained that pressure of work did not leave them enough time together. The need for flexitime was particularly requested by separated parents. Financial pressures were also highlighted.