Against all hope, let’s all hope that bars are declared the ONLY essential service in the land

The Skinny • No 78 – Lockdown Anniversary Celebrations

What are we skinning? The curious joys of a month-long semi-lockdown.

Why are we skinning it? Because ‘April 11’ just has a quirky ring to it, don’t you think?

Yes, I quite agree. Like April Fool’s but made double.

Which pretty much defines the entire COVID narrative from start to (much delayed and long awaited) finish. Yes – it’s like a practical joke run amok.

Exactly. Thrown for a loop, the world’s habits and hegemonies are suddenly caught scrambling for purchase: certainties crumble, emergency becomes the de facto state, and you’re left wondering whether all of this is just a strange dream from which we may never wake.

To be fair, that’s how I’ve felt ever since I left University to pursue a career in accounting for the political elite. You still at it?

As latest developments have betrayed to all and sundry, those in my profession had so much work that early retirement was very much an option on the table. That’s why you’re just frittering time away talking to me, then.

Mhm. Were circumstances any different, of course, I would be tucked away in a trendy bar at Strait Street, sipping on overpriced cocktails while a foreign waitress brought me gherkins on a stick. I can imagine – I’m sorry the pandemic has cramped your style so harshly.

 

Yes, but we hold out hope for April 11, don’t we? Indeed we do, optimistic as that may seem.

But for all its evocativeness, the real reason behind the choice of calendar day for the ostensible end to the current restrictions is really rather mundane, isn’t it? Yes, it marks the day that kids will be re-starting either physical or virtual school after the Easter holidays.

So instead of an Easter Uprising we’ll be having an Easter Lockdown? Shh. Don’t call it that. You’ll cause wooziness and headaches in fragile heads of state.

But wait, isn’t this the same head of state who lifted weights in a previous life? Yes, you’d think physical frailty wouldn’t become his brand – but here we are.

As we were saying... the virus has upended us all. Indeed it has. Here’s to April 11?

Do say: “Against all hope, let’s all hope that the current restrictions will be lifted after April 11.”

Don’t say: “Against all hope, let’s all hope that bars are declared the ONLY essential service in the land. Sloshing ourselves senseless until the vaccination drive is finally over makes about as much sense as anything else, at this point.”