A million ‘what ifs’ and the keyboard idiots

The death of a child in any circumstance is shocking. It robs parents of their most precious gift. It shatters their hope of seeing their child grow up and slowly establish themselves in society. 

It is even more shocking when the death is untimely and the result of tragedy. In these circumstances, the demise elicits countless ‘what if’ questions. It instils a sense of guilt in parents, even if guilt is unwarranted. 

The tragic death of six-year-old Zaylen, who wondered off from his family’s field and drowned in a swimming pool in a neighbouring property, was one such shocking incident. The fact that the boy had autism and was non-verbal just adds to the sense of disbelief. 

We cannot even begin to understand the sorrow Zaylen’s parents, siblings and loved ones are feeling. The deep sense of loss; the million ‘what ifs’ passing through their heads; the mixed emotions of anger, grief, emptiness. 

And in the midst of what appears to be an accidental tragedy that was compounded by the boy’s condition, the parents have had to deal with a barrage of stupid and hurtful comments from ordinary people, who acted as judge and jury on social media. 

The parents, particularly the mother, were blamed for neglecting their child; not keeping him under their watchful eye. Every parent knows that it only takes a few seconds of distraction to suddenly lose sight of a young child, especially if they are energetic. And the distraction may not even be voluntary—another daughter calling out for assistance; the door buzzer going off; a quick run to the kitchen to switch off the kettle; looking down to discard a soiled nappy in the dustbin. 

According to the interview Zaylen’s mother gave to the Times of Malta, she had just changed her son’s nappy and he was off to play with his siblings when she suddenly lost sight of him. Any parent, who understands the difficulty of raising a child with autism, knows that this is a very plausible explanation. Here is a boy who will not answer back when people call out his name; who has no sense of danger; who could have a million frustrations that ordinary individuals cannot understand; who simply wonders off for no apparent reason and feeling no need to an inform an adult. 

The easiest and cruellest thing to do is blame the parents, based on puerile assumptions and misguided notions. This incident has once again brought out the worst in many people, who feel no scruple sitting behind a keyboard and blurting out anything that comes to mind—veritable keyboard idiots. Maybe if we showed a little bit more decency, respect and compassion towards one another, there would be less anguish all around. 

But at the same time, while fully understanding the shock Zaylen’s mother and her sister were in as they tried to make heads and tails of the tragedy, we cannot agree with their suggestion in the TOM interview that the swimming pool owner could in any way be blamed for the death. After all, the pool was on private property that has a surrounding wall demarcating the site. 

Neither do we agree with suggestions that have been floated by some that private swimming pools should be surrounded by some form of fencing or guard rails. Such a suggestion makes no sense and is simply a knee-jerk reaction to what appears to be an unfortunate accident involving a child who ‘trespassed’ into another dwelling. 

Zaylen’s death, like any other such case involving an accidental or untimely death, is subject to a magisterial inquiry. The investigation is being led by Magistrate Joe Mifsud and is still underway. We have no doubt the magistrate will leave no stone unturned to establish the facts of the case and determine whether anyone is criminally responsible, if at all. No child should suffer or die because of an adult’s neglect but it is also possible in circumstances like these that no one is to blame because the accident was not caused by neglect. 

The legal amendments approved earlier this year mean that the parents will be kept abreast of developments by the magistrate. 

But whatever the magistrate’s findings will be, the parents have already suffered the worst fate possible. They do not need our judgement as well.