Femicide, a macho culture and the need for a changed mind set

Nicolette Ghirxi’s name will without doubt be forever etched in the hearts and minds of her relatives and friends. She was taken away cruelly by the murderous act of a jilted former partner. 

However, as the weeks start to roll forward, the rest of society will start forgetting her. Like the many female victims that came before her, Ghirxi will slowly become another statistic in Malta’s femicide list. 

It is an unfortunate reality that is only shattered when we report on another victim or when women’s groups organise manifestations to keep prodding the national conscience. 

Too many women have been killed by jilted lovers, partners, husbands, boyfriends, men they may have befriended and siblings. The underlying causes vary but in many cases the women would have suffered abuse before deciding to break up the toxic relationship. In those cases where abuse did not exist, it started afterwards, in the form of harassment in every shape and form. 

The main psychological characteristic in these murders appears to be the male assumption that the woman belongs to him; a possession of sorts. This oppressive, suffocating behaviour denies the woman her dignity and the right to even exist outside the relationship. 

Fighting this is not just a question of having the right laws, tough punishments and support structures that work efficiently. It is a cultural attitude that permeates from a toxic macho culture. 

Tackling this is at a young age is imperative. So many boys grow up to be emotionally stunted because of the misguided expectation that they should be tough and strong. Too many men neglect their mental health wellbeing because it is a sign of weakness and vulnerability. In these circumstances, some grow up with the need to dominate over the women that cross their paths because that is ‘how it should be’. This is a tragic recipe that is leaving too many victims in its path. 

Different stakeholders have a role to play to foster a culture where compassion, understanding, respect and dignity replace egoism, denigration, fear and oppression. 

This leader believes that education will always remain a key component in addressing the issue. 

However, we will resist the temptation to focus solely on education while ignoring the need to have the right laws and structures in place to prevent having more victims. 

This country passed through multiple traumas over the past years, not least the gruesome murder of Bernice Cassar that led to an inquiry, which identified several shortcomings in the system. 

While the circumstances of Ghirxi’s case appear to be different from those of Bernice, not least because the former had refused to undergo a threat assessment when she reported the initial harassment and insults via email, there is a question that requires a level-headed answer. When, four days before her murder, Nicolette reported to the police that she believed her former partner was in Malta, how should such a report have been handled? 

According to Nicolette’s lawyer, back in April the police unsuccessfully tried to call in the aggressor for questioning after receiving the victim’s report. However, he evidently was not in Malta and mocked the police, suggesting also that he would be back on the island in July. 

Even if Nicolette decided against a risk assessment because she may have not felt her life being threatened, how should the police have reacted when they received the latest report from her indicating the man was possibly in Malta? 

Was there too much casualness in processing the latest report because the victim had refused an assessment?

Nicolette may have felt something was off about her ex-partner and she may have been bothered, even fearful of him when he harassed her through email and messages. But she may have also reasoned out that if she went ahead with the process of risk assessment and possible police involvement, the case would have dragged on and would dominate her life. This is all hypothetical but very plausible and understandable. Victims of domestic violence cannot be faulted for deciding to step away from taking the matter to the police. There are myriad reasons why they would do this and each could be plausible. 

Unfortunately, as history keeps showing us, in these cases the problem rarely goes away on its own and unless help is sought it keeps spiralling into a vortex of emotional blackmail, abuse and at the extreme end, murder. 

And this is why a change in mind set is required. Even in cases where victims stop short, police officers and social workers should have the intuition to keep following up on their case. They should be touching base; asking the person whether everything is OK and whether they would like to meet discreetly to discuss anything that is bothering them. 

This pro-active approach may not work with everyone since some victims may feel the police and social workers have no business prying into their lives. 

Admittedly, these cases are hard to deal with because they involve human emotions that can often cloud a person’s judgement. In some instances, the victim’s behaviour is also conditioned by her life circumstances: What happens to the children? How will she be able to financially stand up on her own two feet if she leaves her husband? Where will she go and live? 

These are questions that require socio-economic answers apart from legal ones. 

It would be foolish for anyone to believe that all murders can be avoided. Femicides will continue to happen. But having the right legal, social and economic structures in place and a cultural disposition that fosters a mind-set that is more understanding of victims’ fears could possibly save more women from ending up as a gruesome statistic.