Does the country really need a three-to-six hour quasi-monologue from Franco Debono?

What are we skinning? The beginnings of a steamy, will-they-won’t-they bromance between two of the island’s most adamant limelight hoggers in recent memory: Franco Debono and Jon Mallia.

Why are we skinning it? Because it involves a volatile and vocal former MP and the island’s more eager and generous platform provider, and they’re clearly both very much in love. 

Wait, wait. What actually happened for you to get all rom-com about it? Well, Jon Mallia extended an invitation to former PN MP and criminal lawyer Franco Debono, asking him whether he’d appear on Mallia’s acclaimed long-form podcast. The ordinarily media-happy Debono then responded in the most peculiar way imaginable… by actually rejecting Mallia’s proposal. 

On what grounds? On the grounds that Mallia should not be allowed to profit off their conversation and the subsequent six-hour or so debate which would ensue. 

What was their original spat even about, anyway? Something about red budget briefcases and England’s colonial history… I honestly can’t remember, and it’s barely the point right now. 

That’s true. When you fall in love you’ll grasp at any straw to get a conversation going with the object of your affection. Precisely, and what often tumbles out is an awkward jumble of words with barely any sense or connective tissue. 

But surely then, an open invitation to ‘take things to the next level’ would be welcomed? You’re underestimating the extent of Franco’s pride. Past that initial flush of romantic risk, the blood starts to resettle from the head and back into its respective organs, and one begins to feel exposed. So retreat is inevitable. 

Hence the irrational volte-face. Yes. A well-paid criminal lawyer claiming that a podcaster shouldn’t earn money for their efforts – and that of their team – is about an irrational a claim as one can muster. But the course of true love never did run smooth, and neither do the mechanics which guide it. 

It was big of Jon Mallia to take that first step, though. We’ll see whether his affection for Franco will survive this unflattering tantrum. 

Being left slap-bang in the middle of the darkest sequence of a romantic comedy is quite nerve wracking. Well, let’s be frank(ie) about it – there’s still a while to go until Valentine’s Day, and it’s Halloween tomorrow. So this could end up going south, fast. 

Do say: “If you poke the Debono bear you never quite know what you’re gonna get… and apparently this time, we’ve discovered he has a problem with monetised online platforms.”

Don’t say: “Does the country really need a three-to-six hour quasi-monologue from Franco Debono? Snubbing Mallia may be the first act of modesty we’ll see him perform in a while.”