Summer is when all lizard-men Illuminati crawl into homes in oddly incompetent murder attempts!

The Skinny | No. 45 • Melvin Theuma Conspiracy Theories

What are we skinning? The conspiracy theories swirling around last Tuesday’s alleged suicide attempt by Daphne Caruana Galizia assassination middleman, Melvin Theuma, the top state witness in the case.

Why are we skinning them? Because the implications and circumstances behind this highly disturbing incident make for a heady experience in the court of public opinion.

You’re saying this because it all happened on the eve of a very important court day for Theuma? That’s part of it, yes. Wednesday’s session was meant to be instrumental towards the condition of Theuma’s presidential pardon, and all signs point towards it getting all a little bit more challenging for the state witness on the credibility front.

That makes a pretty strong case for the ‘self-inflicted’ camp then, surely... You could say that, yes. That version of events would have it that Theuma was wracked with worry over how the court session would go, and that he took matters into his own hands...

It’s plausible, but isn’t slitting one’s own throat, and multiple stab wounds on top of that, is a rather unusual way of committing suicide? Maybe, but casting aspersions on suicide methods isn’t really a place we should be at right now.

But it’s natural for people to be interested and concerned. It’s a high-profile case, and Melvin Theuma’s testimony has always been a highly crucial element of the entire equation. The concern is understandable, but in an age of hyperactive social media usage – where gossip and hearsay is algorithmically weaponised – it’s downright irresponsible to indulge in idle speculation and conspiracy theory.

Hey, I didn’t mention any conspiracy theories... well, not yet. There you go. It’s very tempting to assume that – for example – this was a botched assassination attempt.

Well let’s face it, it’s about as easy to believe as the suicide attempt. But without hard evidence, we’re plunged back into the horrific swirling vortex of unhelpful sensationalism.

So we should just twiddle our thumbs and not say anything, and wait for the police to tell us what to think? Look, I know our police force has taken something of a reputational hit in the wake of the Daphne Caruana Galizia assassination and how parts of it were handled, or mis-handled. But at this point yes, I’ll pick our boys in blue over the online mob. But there’s another side to things that seems to be falling under the radar of social scrutiny.

What’s that? The psychological dimension. While there are valid questions to be asked about Theuma’s physical security at this time, we cannot ignore the mental health implications of the entire ordeal.

I agree with you there. National tragedies make for national traumas. All the more so when a lot seems to rest on Theuma’s testimony. If he represents the beginnings of some sort of closure on this horrible chapter, then he should be better taken care of.

Do say: “While a healthy scepticism of the official political narrative is always a good thing to have in a functioning democracy, giving credence to conspiracy theories when all the facts are either yet to be established and certainly not in the public eye yet verges on the downright irresponsible. Deep distress and danger walk hand in hand when it comes to such a high-profile, high-stakes case, making a potent psychological cocktail that is immoral to ignore or worse, mock and belittle.”

Don’t say: “Summer is when all the lizard-men Illuminati start crawling into homes to do random and oddly incompetent murder attempts and I’ve got all the scientific proof I need right here, right now, thankyouverymuch.”

More in The Skinny