Online but out of touch?

There is a video called “Look Up” doing the rounds which addresses the concern that the online generation is substituting social media for being social.

It cleverly shows how a missed encounter due to being obsessed with looking at one’s phone, could potentially change the person’s life because of what might have been. I have posted it here for you to watch.

Although I am much older than the generation which the narrator is addressing, I watched with a growing sense of guilt. I gulped and was actually startled as he told me, “look up from your phone”. You see, I have to hang my head in shame and admit that I’m one of those people who cannot live without being “connected”. I have been known to go back home if I have forgotten my phone, break out into a cold sweat when I cannot find it and am seized by inexplicable anxiety if my battery falls flat when I’m out and I don’t have my charger. I tell myself it’s because of my work and the need to be online and know “what’s happening” all the time, but the truth is that yes, it is an addiction. 

So, to the producer of this video I can only say, yes, guilty as charged.

In my defense, however, it is an addiction I am gradually weaning myself off of, and the catalyst for this came on Mother’s Day when we were out to lunch and I saw three children sitting with their respective families who were perfectly well-behaved and quiet as mice - because their eyes were glued to their obligatory iPad as their expert little fingers swiped the screen.  The adults were obviously happy because they could carry on with their conversations, but I wondered when the children were going to learn such important lessons as how to behave at a restaurant and to socialize with others. What memory were they going to take away from what should have been a family occasion other than that it was another chance for them to play their game or watch their favourite cartoon? 

Seeing this iPad scenario unfold, I made it a point to keep my phone in my purse, rather than putting it immediately on the table as I usually do, where my fingers would simply itch to check it. Because let’s face it, just as the magnetic allure of the wonderous iPad is irresistible to kids, so too is the hypnotic pull of having Facebook and other social media so enticingly and conveniently on our phones, irresistible to so many of us.  As the video above points out, we are so busy checking out what other people are posting online and sharing about their lives that we are forgetting to “look up” and interact with family and friends who are right there with us in the moment. 

Much as this fascinating technology enables us to keep abreast of local events no matter where we are and despite the advantage of having a mine of information constantly at our fingertips (arguing over a trivia fact? Just Google it), there is a clear downside to becoming so caught up with what is on our screens that we forget to live in the real world. And, apart from the fact that by divulging so much information about ourselves online that we are voluntarily compromising our own privacy, I have often wondered whether we will we get to the point where we feel that an experience, an emotion, a photo, or an event does not really exist unless it has been uploaded to our profile.  Will we start doubting our own recollections unless we have the FB evidence to back them up?

Having said all this, this video needs to be kept in sensible perspective. I do not think we need to get overly alarmed and go the other way, becoming too paranoid about IT taking over our lives, because like all consumption, if used in moderation, technology is a positive thing.

As a case in point, I do not agree with the video that communicating by text message or chat has completely taken the place of social interaction, certainly not in Malta. If that were the case, we would not have long lines of cars ferrying people from one side of the country to the other every weekend as we all seek to get out of the confines of our homes and socialize with others. We would have an island bereft of cars or people out and about as everyone stayed indoors experiencing everything virtually rather than participating actively.  (Ahh, forgive me for a moment as I imagine all the peace and quiet.) Instead, so far, people still want to meet other people (quite loudly) face-to-face.

So while it is true that “screen time” for young children should only be allowed in controlled dosages and should not overlap onto social outings because they are at an age where they need to learn social skills, with all other age groups the benefits far outweigh any negatives. 

I have often witnessed uplifting episodes of people “getting together” online, from stay-at-home mothers asking for advice and reaching out to other mums, to activists banding together for a cause they believe in, to lonely senior citizens who have found a lifeline because they can be in touch with family and friends from the comfort of their home. In the long run, even that vulnerable adolescent age group stands to benefit because social media usage, like any other social encounter, is just another way of connecting.

Like any other form of communication it is a tool, a wonderful one at that, which has completely revolutionized the way we think, and yes, even the way we interact with others, from the new people we add as “friends” to the old friends with whom we connect with again even when they are on the other side of the world. Social media can touch and move us profoundly and make us think.

After all, that very same video being shared online would not have been viewed by so many people and got us talking about it, if social media did not exist.