Mental health, drug abuse and a family tragedy

I grew up watching All in The Family and one of my favourite romcoms is When Harry Met Sally. Then of course there was The Princess Bride which is a classic and so many other films which Rob Reiner wrote, directed and produced. For cinema buffs, his was a household name. His body of work is significant and will long be remembered.

It was therefore with a gasp of disbelief while I was scrolling on my phone at 5am on Monday morning that I saw the news as soon as it was posted that he and his wife had been murdered. Various sources immediately named their son as the perpetrator, which unfortunately proved to be true. As much as I loathe fake news, it was one of those times when it would have been a relief to learn that some insensitive moron had concocted the whole thing. But no—there it was, quickly confirmed, as multiple news media picked it up. The couple had been stabbed to death by 32-year-old Nick Reiner.

The horror of those murders and the turbulence of emotions they have evoked are difficult to explain, not only because the couple was so well-loved by both the public and their friends, but because of the spiralling circumstances. The more details emerge, the more it seems harrowingly inevitable that things would eventually end up badly. The night before they had all attended a party hosted by Conan O’Brien, which they had to leave early because Nick was making the guests uncomfortable with his erratic behaviour, repeatedly asking them if they were famous.

Nick had been staying in his parents’ guesthouse but there were reports that his “often … extreme and stressful behaviour” had escalated in recent weeks and they were very concerned about his mental health. The problems, however, had started way before that. He had a long history of drug abuse problems which started when he was a teenager and in fact, over the years, he had given numerous interviews about his many attempts at rehab and stints of homelessness. He said he was in recovery at age 22, when he and his father produced a film based on his struggles, but at age 24 he said in a podcast interview that he had since relapsed on methamphetamine.

The whole thing has stayed with me for days and I cannot stop thinking about the last moments when the Reiners saw their own son attacking them viciously, with murder in his eyes.

The subsequent despicable rant by Donald Trump, who as usual tried to make it about himself, claiming that Rob Reiner’s anti-Trump views led to him being killed, is so sickening that no words can suffice to convey my revulsion. In any case, better people than I have articulated my sentiments.

What has particularly stayed with me, like a dark shadow which is impossible to shake off, is the looming spectre of mental illness, exacerbated by drug abuse, among so many young people, which cuts across all social classes. As we have seen with this tragic case, no amount of wealth can fix someone who does not want to be helped.

“Nick wanted to live a life that didn’t exist. He was entitled,” a source told PEOPLE magazine. “He didn’t want to do any work but expected to be loved the way the rest of his family was.”

Rob and Michele “felt enormous guilt for so long that they couldn’t help Nick get his life together”, the source added.

They tried everything—giving him space, keeping him close—but his struggles were too deep. “It’s just a parent’s worst nightmare,” the source said. “They were such lovely people and tried in every way to help their son.”

The murders have not only shaken Hollywood circles among whom the Reiners were deeply loved and respected, but more significantly, ordinary parents facing the same anguish and torment because of their adult children who are drug addicts, mentally ill or a combination of both.

Malta obviously is no exception. We have our own share of kids who have gone off the rails and parents who have aged overnight from the constant worry and dread of hearing the phone or doorbell ring with bad news. Instead of enjoying a peaceful family life with happy get togethers, every event is wrought with anxiety. Will they show up and cause havoc? Or will they disappear again, cutting off communication, causing untold fear in the pit of the stomach? It’s a seesaw of emotions, resulting in a never-ending sense of disquiet as parents agonise and wonder if they are doing the right thing.

We have read news stories of people beating and threatening their parents and grandparents, demanding money for drugs. Some of the cases we hear of domestic violence, fatal traffic accidents and, yes, murder are often the direct result of out-of-control drug addiction. The way that our brains are wired and the effects which heavy substance abuse can have on those who already have mental health issues, are well documented. Long-term use of different types of drugs can increase your risk of anxiety or depression, and in some people can even lead to paranoia, psychosis or schizophrenia.

There is help out there, for those who want it, and it is clearly not a matter of being able to afford the best possible treatment because in the 18 times he went into rehab, Nick Reiner always had access to elite care. According to reports, he repeatedly lied about his recovery and contradicted himself about sobriety, minimised relapses and misrepresented his time in treatment. In one interview he revealed that he once “destroyed” parents Rob and Michele Reiner’s home during a drug-fuelled rage.

Perhaps the most eloquent statement I’ve read came from their lifelong friend Barbra Streisand: “Do not insult my intelligence by calling this ‘fate’ or attempting to skirt the truth. Rob and Michele were not safe in their own home. They faced trials that no parent should ever have to endure. We all know the long, agonising battle they fought alongside their son, Nick Reiner. Those parents did everything to save their child, but in the end, that very sacrifice led to the most heart-breaking conclusion.”

My wish for all those facing similar struggles with their family members is to convince them to get the help they so desperately need... but if that help is rejected time and again, it is equally crucial to safeguard and protect themselves.